I was posting on the MLC forum, but I don't think it was the right spot. If someone has the time to look up my last post I think I am gaining ground, but not really sure. To hard to see when in the middle of it all. Thanks for any input.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
Well, a male version of me. I can sympathize with your sitch, it sounds a lot like mine. How long have you been separated?
Welcome Yen...just sorry you have to be here...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
We have been separated since May. I got the the bomb in early June during MC. Right now I have really detached myself from the sitch and works out well. Sometimes almost too well. There are days W calls and it is just annoying or I don't want to see her.
When I saw her last night I told her I would call this afternoon to find out about how D11's dentist appointment went. The good thing was W called me first later in the afternoon before I called her. She was going to play on a softball team tonight, but they found someone else so she called before I left to tell me she would not be there. Did make plans to grill out tomorrow night so see what happens then.
Lola, thanks for posting. I have been reading up on your sitch and I was there a few weeks ago. Yeah, sorry to be here to. Life is as it is though.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
This is true. I had a rough one the other night, but actually for the most part, I do okay.
How did you detach? That is a hard one.
I think it is good that your W called first, and that you are seeing an MC. That is always a plus. But I also think that sometimes these WAS's just don't know what they want. They say "no future" almost to convince themselves rather than us, because frankly, we are living it.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Today went pretty well. Went over and worked in the town my W lives in, mowed the yard, went to IC and BBQ for W and two girls. Even SD16 started to warm up to me before I left. First time I have talked to her in about two months. She even brought up good times from the past, go figure. W is about the same, we get along good and she thanks me a lot for stuff.
I started to detach when I woke up one morning and decided to. I am a better person then to dictate what I feel and do based upon someone else. I always plan for the future, but I have always lived pretty much in the now. Most of the time it works, sometimes it doesn't.
The C has noticed that I have been more positive over the last few weeks when I see her. Of course she also said that she needs to go back to school because I am unusual case. Maybe just a walking contradiction, but who knows.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
So far the day has been ok. Went over this morning to work, stopped and saw W. She was talkative and pleasant as usual. She then had to take SD16 to school to go to Vo-tech.
When my W got back she was down at her mom's for quite awhile. I finished up some trimming in the yard. When W got home she was kinf of standoffish and reading the paper. We did not talk much and she thanked me again for working on the yard, then I had to go. Supposed to meet a friend pretty soon.
Kind of odd her going from talkative this morning to being distant when she got back. Life does go on.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
Talked with the W off and on today about various issues. I went out to the house to try and mess with the computer there. Could not get it fixed though. When I drove by I saw her car at OM's house.
Personally stuff like this just pushes me one step farther out the door. I am pretty sure I have to much self-esteem to play second best to anyone.
It did bother me for a little bit, until I caught myself wondering what I was doing. Why should her actions affect my mood at all? I like how far I have come already and with or without her I still look forward to the future.
Her actions her regrets. I know I can still look myself in the mirror everyday and move forward with my dignity intact.
Last edited by yenko69; 08/16/0801:09 AM.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
I guess it did bother me more then I thought when I went to bed. My mind did start to wander around. As it seems with people usually thinking the worse. Some sadness some anger. Thought about driving out there early when I go to work, but a bad idea I think. The urge is strong though.
It is a new day and time to keep fighting the good fight.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
Breath (((Yenk))) breath. Remember to ask yourself "what is my goal?" Don't drive out there. I know it is a strong feeling, and one I have had to fight, but I can honestly say I have only driven past H's house once, within the first month.
Sometimes, you have to ask yourself if you really want to know the answers to the questions. Be careful, because you might get answers you don't want, and that will make it very hard to act as if.
I have thoughts like that too, wondering what the H is doing, if he is seeing someone. I have to work very hard to push those thoughts out of my head, but I find replacing them with a memory of a happier time usually works. Try that.
And pray. A LOT. I find that the relationship I have developed with God has gotten me through a huge amount of very low moments. Listen, because I am firmly convinced He always speaks back (not necessarily in words..lol..I am not schizo) but in our feelings and what that brings. Listen to them. And then, even if it feels wrong, do what you feel you must by relaxing, breathing, and letting your W have her space. Sometimes we need to make our own mistakes if not just to learn from them.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Well, as life would have it I had to drive by there why I was working, I am a county deputy. Her car was still there this morning. Needless to say that it has been a pretty rough day. I had to find a dirt road and park to get it out of my system to continue on with the day.
For most of the day I have been wanting to keep fighting even when I was hurt. Now I am not so sure. I am pretty confused right now. I find that kind of behavior going against my belief system. Maybe it is the sign I should just end it myself and move on.
I am supposed to go over and do some stuff tomorrow night. I may have cancel out with the I am to tired. She should be ok with that since we work 6am to 6pm.
I did find out she is helping my mom set up a wedding shower with my cousin. She had to pick up D11 since she stayed with my parents. I don't know how she can stay there, face your in laws and tell them you would help them out. I think I would be to ashamed of myself for that.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
