For the record, I agree. I'm not saying it's time to give up your M yet, but I'm saying it's time to make him work for you.
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I guess I just don't know how to play a middle ground without it looking fakey or punishing. I need a "how to be a bitch" coach. (And by 'bitch', I mean someone sassy that doesn't give a crap what some jerk thinks/does.)
Hmmm.. that's close I think. I'd say more along the lines of be harder to get. Someone who demands to be treated WELL and with respect.
I'll try to give you some specific detailed ideas based on your posts. Sound good? I know this stuff has mostly already happened, but maybe specifics will help with handling similar situations in the future?
I mentioned one already - in response to his "bailout" text, reply "Sorry, have plans."
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The Sunday thing being researched by me was because he came over Saturday night, we watched movies, talked about whether we should go jeeping on Sunday (original idea he had) and decided not to go because the weather wasn't supposed to be nice. SO, while he was in the shower, I looked online for a new 'thing' for us to do instead of 4x4ing and found this event that was a couple hours away that had the Kinks and Smashmouth at the day before (no one "special" on Sunday.)
Next time... make him do the work. If he doesn't, oh well, he doesn't get to spend the day with fabulous YOU!
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Anyway, when I said the "maybe next year" thing, I actually didn't intend it to be anything other than a passing comment. It looks like something fun to do. It wasn't meant as a test- but he probably took it that way.
I can almost guarantee he did. Especially based on your history.
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Tonight was Spanish. Before he left, he said "I'm jamming Saturday,so we can do something Sunday if you want.
Gee... what a romantic invitation. "Have fun jamming. Sorry, I'm busy Sunday."
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And maybe Friday go see a movie or something."
Ooh and even more romance...
It sounds like he's offering you his time as though it's some sort of gift to you. YUCK.
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IOW, I did not ask about the weekend.
No... you didn't ask about it, but you let him get away with a half-a$$ed "semi-invitation" again.
Did you ever read forever21's story? Her sitch reminds me a bit of yours at this point. Her H wanted her back but he didn't want to work for her. She finally got strong enough to tell him "That's not good enough. I deserve to be woo'd." It's true for you, too, Trixi.
That half-invite, half-controlling your weekend thing that he did is not good enough. Not even close.
Try something new!! Please?!?!
Make other plans for Friday night and for Sunday. Spend time doing things that you want to do, either alone or with people who actually VALUE the time that they spend with you, and act like it.
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The following weekend he is doing a boys camping weekend and I am going to a glass gathering, so we won't see each other that weekend, nor the Wednesday before.
Good!!!! I'm so glad to see you doing something fun for yourself.
Question - did you plan the glass thing before or after you found out about his boys camping weekend? Would you have planned it if H was around and "might" decide to grace you with his presence?
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
