I'm going to take a little bit different tack from the rest of the folks here. Mainly because I don't know your sitch all that well anyway, other than these past few days, but also because of the following:
What does it matter??
Seriously. I feel like you're NOT asking for "positives" as in strategic and tactical things that you're doing, so that you can continue doing them, so much as you are looking for EXTERNAL VALIDATION for your situation.
Let me take it to a ridiculous extreme, to prove my point. Let's say you were doing the best you can, and in every situation, doing what you feel God Himself would have you do, and you're "doing the right thing" in every interaction with your wife and every decision about your marriage and your family.
Now assume we all say "you're doing it all wrong!" What . . . you're going to change?
Have the courage of your convictions, and stop looking for your wife, and for us, to validate what you're doing. In just the little bit of time I've "known" you here, you strike me as a bright, articulate, insightful man of character. I have no doubt you know what's been working, what's not, and what the "right thing to do" is in nearly every situation.
And when you don't, we can HELP you, but we can't DO this for you . . . does that make sense?
Stop asking us for the positives. You already know what they are, and you know what you've been doing that's been ineffective, too. So summon up all your strength, and plow ahead to do more of the former and less of the latter.
What . . . you're going to change? 
