OK, well maybe not a failure then. I did take an extra effort to look my best. However, this emotional weight gain makes it very difficult. That is my primary focus now. I have to get in shape. I need to feel better about myself.
I think I did a good job at staying upbeat. I think his quick departure after I opened gifts may have been because he was beginning to feel too comfortable.
On the subject of gifts..........H gave both of them away. Yesterday morning I told him D11 was busy working on a project outside---he said "oh the hand print thing??" I said I don't know she won't let me see..........then when he came for dinner he asked "did you get that picture thing (digital picture frame) figured out............." I said, I don't know, haven't opened gifts yet...........
D11 worked half the day yesterday on my "stepping stone." She did it all herself, with help from S9. Which means, reading directions.............She decided it couldn't be in the heart shaped mold because she needed it to be bigger, so she poured it out onto some waxed paper. She worked for so long, in the heat that it dried out too much. Most of it's powdery and falling apart-----which makes me sick. I love it, of course, because it is pure D11! But, I'm afraid it will be impossible to keep.......I'll have to try to find something to preserve it with.
H promptly left after I plugged in my frame and the pre-loaded pictures of family started playing........kids playing, vacation spots, wedding photos. I said, hey maybe I'll just keep these pictures----pictures of real vacations and kids getting along (to be funny)...........sure hope it made him think, some more!!
Thanks for the support, BFM.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
I am so tired of H treating me like I have leprosy. I know he's messed up. I know he's confused, feeling guilty, having "fun" exploring his new freedom, or whatever. But, I know I deserve more. I deserve to have him talk to me. He hasn't said one word about OW since I told him that I know about her---that I know he's lied to me about her for 2 years. He tells me he will at least talk to me about the kids, but won't do that either. I've told him that I WILL NOT discuss them via e-mail, he tells me he will call, but doesn't. So, I have been thinking of how I want to handle the beginning of the school year. I let him propose the summer schedule, and agreed to it all. I think I should now have control.
I can only e-mail the schedule, since he won't talk. I hate this, but this is my only option for now. I need help making sure this e-mail is not confrontational, not emotional, just the facts:
Dear H: Open house is tonight at 6:30 and school starts Monday. We have not discussed scheduling during school. I have asked that we not handle this via e-mail, but we have failed to discuss this in person or by phone.
As I suggested a few weeks ago, I think that at least during the beginning of the school year the kids should sleep here during the week. I don't know what the softball schedule is yet, but until that is clear, I would suggest that you keep them in the evenings on Mondays and Wednesdays until 9:00. If you would like to pick them up and take them to school two days a week, that would be great. We can then continue with our every other weekend schedule. We can adjust the evening schedule to work around softball (so your evenings do not fall on game nights) when we have the schedule.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Thanks BFM. I know it SUCKS! And, just to get it off my chest----I deserve WAY better. I worked 2 jobs to help put him through law school. I stepped over used condems to get into the building where my second job was located. I later gave up my own business to work for him (for US) for free. I gave birth to two 8 lb daughters and one 10 lb son----a son with his HUGE head..............
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
I just found your thread via Wifey's. I feel for you... I am right there with the detaching thing. I do feel too wrapped up in my H's moods and actions way too much.
I think I read a post by you that said something about school starting being hard with everyone finding things out. Don't tell anyone if you don't have too. In my sitch my H is still in the in a separate room, so it's easier, but maybe you can fake it for a while...
Also I also think I read something where you said you'd the be last person who thought their H would have an affair and you'd still want them back -- no you're not! I am too! Funny thing about my sitch is that my H used to always say he never understood why people cheat because it's too much work and he's too lazy -- but then my H found a way to cheat via the internet, so I guess his laziness found a way...
I don't really tell anyone about the OOW because it's not worth it and I still have hope for reconciliation and I don't need a judging public.
Good luck with your sitch, belated Happy Birthday, and I'll have to follow your thread. Take care of yourself and be the wonderful woman you are.
(((hugs))) to you...
M 39 H 34 D 6 M almost 8 years T 11 years Bomb: 6/5/08
So, I sent the e-mail. The response was as usual, nothing I could have expected. It seems that my suggestion is something short of a schedule for a "pedophile." I give up. There's nothing I can say or do that is "right." We have exchanged a few more e-mails. I refrained from saying what I wanted to say, and stuck to the matter at hand. It is clear that he just hates me. How does this happen???????
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
He doesn't hate you, but he is trying to get you to react.
Don't.
If you react it gives him a "reason" for what he is doing. Kind of like a "see, I knew she was a b!tch! I'm much better off now."
He's looking for a justification for you to be a "bad person" so as to make what he's doing less horrible.
Refuse to give him any ammo.
You may not see any good response for a LONG time. You may not see a good response, EVER, but it will make you feel better to know you took the high road.
Patience. I think it pays off in the end no matter what the outcome.
BFM
Last edited by butterflymom; 08/14/0804:54 PM.
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
I am sure of everything you are saying. I am positive that he WANTS to believe I'm a bitch. I sent my final response to his last e-mail. I told him that I did not see my proposal as a 6 hour/week visit with him and the kids. I explained why I suggested it, apologized for contacting him via e-mail and told him he could choose what he wanted and I would agree. I don't think I need to drop the rope or detach anymore. I think his reaction today, along with the hateful e-mails have cut it in half.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
I gave in to emotion. I sent an e-mail this morning that I shouldn't have---and I know it. But in his last e-mail to me he told me he wasn't going to sit by and let me spend money on our home remodel, and also be in charge of how often he sees his kids. I replied by telling him that I am not a free-loading b****, and I had no idea that expenditure on our home remodel was in anyway tied to how often he sees OUR kids. I told him that he doesn't get it both ways either----he doesn't get to play the role of the persecuted father being cheated out of time with his kids while at the same time living another life with another woman. I again made it clear that our kids are not at fault and I WILL not and have not tried to keep them from him. I told him he could take over all the decision making with the home remodel. I reminded him that THIS was his choice, THIS is what he wanted. I also added that I wasn't giving up, that I value our marriage, our history and our family and that I still love him-----I know, the evil L word.
I know it was not productive, but most likely caused a lot of damage. I do not expect a response. If I get one, I'm sure it will be hateful. I sent it. It's done. Whatever.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
