N_A,
Do you by any chance have Michele's KLA cd's/tapes?

There is a section on cd#4 that can give you 7 different ideas to try and overcome these types of conflicts.

For example, you would like you H to hang a new toilet paper holder in the bathroom. So instead of mentioning it again, just go out and buy the one you like best, and then come home and just start to do it yourself, take action!!!

It will make you feel good to not need your H to do such things, also... according to what the advice says, if your H sees you doing it, it will spring him into action to do it for you or to start doing some of the other things you mentioned.

There are several other techniques she recommends that could work for you too, its just a matter of trying them and finding out which ones do the best in your circumstances. (Take action, act as if, do a 180, power packaging, do nothing, change the medium you use, and do anything different or new).

I feel the same way you do a lot. But I am realizing that I can not change my H with verbal commands or reccomendations. So, it is time to try something creative like the approaches listed.

I cant seem to get my H to want to move back in with me, or to ever come around my family anymore, and the worst one is the amount of time he spends away from me and at bars flirting with other women. He knows I dont like these facts, and when I tell him... it makes him fight me more.

So now I dont mention him moving back here at all, I go to all the family events on my side alone, and I choose to sit and watch him flirt with other women & not say a damn thing or show him that it bugs me. Several times that I made these 180s, he has surprised me. For instance, He has smartened up about not moving into another apartment, He came to one family funtion out of the blue & several times He has been at my place waiting for me to get back when I go do things alone, and The flirting has decreased a huge amount since back in May.

I know it is hard to accept what the returned MLCer has become. But we must remember that we can not change them. It is up to you if you want to be with him or not. Only you can decide how much crap you can be put through. But for the sake of saving our M's, if you try some of these techniques it might give you some relief. The things you would like to see change in/about your H, will take time and he will have to feel the want or desire to make these changes. So your job is to help influence him or sweeten the deal, and not to verbally command him.

I hope this helps, I am no expert, but michele is, and I find her techniques to work wonders. Try some of them out, and you just might see some of the desired changes happen. So do what works, and not what comes naturally.
TIPPER