Neil - Too many threads to follow to catch up on your story.
But It seems like we are in similar situations in very similar time lines - separated with young daughter and living in Western New York. I work in Buffalo and live in Clarence. We should chat - I also started my own thread - how to start from scratch in 12 mo separation
Me:40 / W:33 / D:3 T:7.5/M:4 D Day: 1/24/08 Legal Separated: 6/12/08 BF who sleeps over: confirmed 11/10/08 Suspect BF pre-dates D Day