Long Walk Home on the Lake Erie Shore

[Neilh23]

Last Thread: Reason to Believe

if you read the end of my last thread, you'll understand why i'm fret with self doubt about saving my M. I know i can be better (and i already feel different and act different about stuff)...its the past stuff that scares the crap outta me. i know it's the past....however...........

i would like some help.

Help me find the positives in my sitch.

D#1
D#2

please add......I won't be on until later (self imposed exile)...but i would like all of your input.

You guys really are great. I can't express how grateful i am for you all and this site.....and for putting up with my self-doubt....but its real.....

[Neilh23]

hey...just so ya'll know...i'm not giving up. not at all. i know this is normal for the WAW...to dance closer...pull back...dance closer...pull back. i just can't let it get to me the way it did. I hadn't been GALing as well as i had been and started to obsess over my sitch. That changes today.

other positives....that i've thought of...
if she truly, truly wanted out.... she would insist on getting her own health and car insurance, instead of us all being on mine.

anyone else got any? LOL.........the lack of response concerns me....J/k...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Um, we're trying to give you a day off, remember???

[Coach]

Neil23, Just make a list of things you are grateful for. Doesn't have to be all about your M. I think you said something good a while back about looking for " a pill" to make things better, I don't want to admit it either but we need to drop our schedule of how things should be progressing. One thing I know about women is they can change their mind in a second, so be ready, be consistent and be the best Neil you can be. Cookie gave me a quote: In the end everything will be OK. If it's not OK then its not the end.
Patience buddy, patience.

[TwinDad]

Neil,

I think your W has had an incredible amount of love for you. In all the turmoil from your past she kept on coming back. The sexual relationship following the birth of your children would tell me she was feeling closer and closer to you. That she had put the past hurt in the past.

I think the whole thing with an A probably just made her question who you were and made her doubt herself. Just look at the positive sexual reaction each time the two of you made a child together. Your reaction following that in an effort to "fix" this just made things worse....you probably came off needy and clingy and not the self confident Neil she knew....thus creating more confusion and doubt in her choice.

I will say I am not going to judge you in the above, but I can certainly see how this was extremely hurtful to your W. I suspect she has opted for this sep to give her time and space to heal, for you to do the same thing (my W said a lot of those words leading up to the sep). More important than that she is checking to see who is the real Neil. It is your job to show her the one she married and was attracted to.

As far as good things in your sitch

-I agree D#1 and D#2. This can not be emphasized too much. Look at the effect their birth had on your R with your W and her love for you. They have a huge part in this. Be the best Dad you can be (I know you are great one).

-A very strong attraction and "chemistry" between the two of you. Despite all the things you feel guilty about your W still kept coming back to you....why do ytou think that is.

-A Neil who is finally figuring out who he is and is becoming less self centered and more understanding.....time and patience, show her the real Neil and what she decides she decides

These are the major ones I can think of.

I think and exile from here might help you focus in other areas....we will be here, don't worry.

PS: Just thought I would let you know that my W was out on business last couple days and after reading your "confession" thread last night I couldn't help but think about your sitch all night.....thanks for ruining my sleep last night.....lol....I guess I really care about the people here

[goldeylox]

i would like some help.

Help me find the positives in my sitch.

D#1
D#2

please add......I won't be on until later (self imposed exile)...but i would like all of your input.

Dear Exhiled One,
You are smart and funny (which is just a little sexy)
Now where's my drink? Lemon Drop, of course. It's 5pm somewhere. Peace.

[The Wifey]

Positives:

You aren't giving up and you are fighting for you in order to fight for your m.

Your great friends here that love and care for you.

You deep level of feelings. Many men go a lifetime without getting in touch with how they really feel.

[SingleDad]

Neil - Too many threads to follow to catch up on your story.

But It seems like we are in similar situations in very similar time lines - separated with young daughter and living in Western New York. I work in Buffalo and live in Clarence. We should chat - I also started my own thread - how to start from scratch in 12 mo separation

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Neil--

Sweetie, you have more positives than you could possibly imagine. The first, major one--after the girls, obviously--is the fact that you have acknowledged your part in the situation and are taking strides to make changes in yourself. You have accepted that the changes have to be no matter what the outcome is to your situation.

Take a break, most of us are not going anywhere any time soon.

SMW

[pisces9]

Neil- you are a very caring soul as well. I can feel this from you. You care deeply about everyone and feel a lot of pain and JOY from the poeple you love. That quality in a man is rare...
ACCEPT yourself...all of you. All parts of Neil.