Barbie - it took my ex over a year to introduce me to his 'rents too. What DOES bug me about guy A is I've brought him around my friends (and he's done great) but he's never brought me around his. Oh well. I'm tired of analyzing. So...I'm living.
beenthere - we were married to the same guy! Only got himself ready for stuff. God forbid I asked him to lift a finger to help...wow! baggage And I totally agree about knowing what we DON'T want! Very true.
Jilly - sorry - I thought about not commenting but it might've eaten at me
I met this one fella when I was out with my friends (at a bar - red flag #1 I guess ) but he seemed decent. Taught 4th grade, etc. Seemed normal for a bar, and hey - I'm in a bar and I'm semi-normal right
So he's not once asked me out, has met me out one other time and has invited me over multiple times. Lost his job (DUI) and can't get hired anywhere.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
KS: I think guys are SLOW to introduce you to their world. They're all fine to become part of yours, but they like to keep their peeps to themselves IMHO
As for the bar guy - DUI = run, don't walk away. I was married to one. So was Frosty. TROUBLE! I mean - who does this????
What I worry about with single guys is that they get so used to being on their own - what do they really want a woman for (ok, besides hooking up)> Some want companionship - that's good. Some want to get married (not many I've met). But many get so comfortable being on their own that they don't really "need" us. But then - who wants a "needy" guy anyway
I honestly think we'd all just love to meet a guy the good old fashioned way - exchanging glances over the zucchini in the produce aisle - or through friends at a gathering. But in reality - what are the chances? And over 40 - who doesn't have baggage these days. It comes down to - how much baggage?
Now that I think about it that's is the only kind of guy that I ever met in a bar. Honestly I don't think that many of them are looking for much more than a 1 night stand. I have even heard "nice" guys say that. That's one of the reasons I knew I would never do the bar thing after ex left. Oh I'll go with my girlfriends on a girls night or to hear a band but that's it.
I also think that Barb is right about guys being slow to let us into their world. Especially guys that have been single for a while or are divorced. We on the other hand can't wait to have our girlfriends check them out. Usually their instincts are pretty much right on and sometimes they see things that we may not want to.
yeah you're right. I want to meet him the old fashioned way. I want him to court me. I want him to know he would be passing up a great thing if he passed me by LOL!
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
yes Bethie that's why I go into the bar knowing full well not to expect Mr. Wonderful.
DB taught me that.
No expectations.
I kinda had a joke (although it seems partially true) - all the good men are either married or related to me.
I think I'm scared I'll fall into the same trap though - trusting someone with all my soul only to be fooled. And I don't want that to happen. And too, how many couples do you know that are happily married after 10-20 years. It's going way down. I don't want to co-exist. I want love.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
yeah you're right. I want to meet him the old fashioned way. I want him to court me. I want him to know he would be passing up a great thing if he passed me by LOL!
Your right KC,
He would be passing up a great thing. You obviously have a lot on your plate so responsibility and commitment aren't a problem for you!
I kinda had a joke (although it seems partially true) - all the good men are either married or related to me.
Well I live in a town where that's a running joke for most people, although not for me because I'm not from here. What bugs me though is that if I do go somewhere or do something everyone always seems to know because they are related and they do talk. So everything goes right down the grapevine.
Quote:
I think I'm scared I'll fall into the same trap though - trusting someone with all my soul only to be fooled. And I don't want that to happen. And too, how many couples do you know that are happily married after 10-20 years. It's going way down. I don't want to co-exist. I want love.
I'm excited to go but a bit nervous as it's a family function. Gotta break that to see if he runs the other way :P
That whole trusting building thing is a process one step at a time and it takes time to develop an R based on mutual trust and respect - friendship or otherwise.
That is something I learned post D as a part of setting boundaries and valuing my own needs. If your fella accepted the invitation - he probably won't run. So he gets to move to the next level - sounds like a video game.
BThere:
Quote:
I find myself taking the opposite role from what I used to...example: I was always the packer and organizer. He is even more so.
I am the same way - the organized one - always responsible. It is nice to let the other person do some of this stuff and just sit back and relax. I miss that part of being in an R - just letting the other person carry some of the stuff while I just enjoy not having to do it myself.
Quote:
Friend relationships with men...now there's a topic. I have some male friends. Sometimes they are the easiest relationships to have.
One of my friends brought up a good point recently. She said that my expectations are out of whack with respect to R's b/c I expect that ease of conversation that I have with my male girlfriends to be the minimum standard for dating someone. And that is an unreasonable standard. She is right. I need to accept that there will be that whole "getting to know each other phase" before the whole ease of conversation phase. I think I am getting lazy and looking for the easy button in my old age.
Quote:
I do have to admit though, When you're single, it's hard not to look at men without that thought popping into your head. Hmm, he's cute, funny, nice...wonder if he's single.
I know I feel like such a hypocrite. I say I want a man that takes the time to get to know me. Yet, at the same time while I do not want him to make any moves too soon - I want to feel chemistry. And well he has to make the move at the right time - not wait too long. And then of course, there is that superficial part - where I saw a guy jogging downtown and did a double take and was ready to start jogging after him. And of course if I did jog after him and catch up with him - I would expect him to behave like a gentleman and overlook that I was acting like a brazen hussy! LOL!
Quote:
I think you can tell when the chemistry is there and when it's not. I certainly don't think every guy is hitting on me, but I can tell when one is. Sometimes it's for real, sometimes it's just a game they play. I don't think it's all bad. Sometimes it's just lighthearted play,
My C tells me to trust what I am feeling. I am use to second guessing myself. And I am starting to agree with NHill about the value of playful flirting. Yes, NHill - I am helping myself to a few more helpings of crow!
Yesterday, I was at the pet store and standing behind this man that had the most adorable puppy. I love animals so of course I just had to pet the puppy and scratch his tummy. When I walked out to my car - he drove by me slowly with the puppy on his lap and yelled out - the puppy told me to drive this way - she wanted to say good bye to you.
That made me smile. Just playful flirting that really is not meant to go anywhere.
I don't mind that. I don't feel comfortable around sexual innuendo or sexual comments - especially if they feel personal towards me.
That being said - I have girlfriends that dive right into suggestive and sometimes aggresive sexual dialogue when they meet a guy. They do the hair flip and touching thing. Sometimes they really are interested in the guy - and sometimes they are just being a tease.
No wonder men are confused.
I have hidden in my hermit habitat for five years. Thanks KS and Bthere for these posts. They are helpful to me as I venture out of my cocoon.
I know I feel like such a hypocrite. I say I want a man that takes the time to get to know me. Yet, at the same time while I do not want him to make any moves too soon - I want to feel chemistry. And well he has to make the move at the right time - not wait too long. And then of course, there is that superficial part - where I saw a guy jogging downtown and did a double take and was ready to start jogging after him. And of course if I did jog after him and catch up with him - I would expect him to behave like a gentleman and overlook that I was acting like a brazen hussy! LOL!
LOL that made me giggle - you are so right on!
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
And I totally agree about knowing what we DON'T want! Very true.
