The Bumpy Road to Recovery #2

[Bagheera]

More of the summer fun: last night I spent on the couch (for the first time in a while).

The wife is still so focused on everything else in her life right now, that she can't find the time and energy for us as a couple. By the time we have an opportunity for a bit of play in the sack, she's either too sleepy, tired, sore, headachey, distracted, or something else to engage with me fully. And yes, these are all legitimate reasons for putting things off for another night, but that 'another night' hasn't shown up for weeks now.

I'll fully admit to having some old baggage bubble up to the surface in this instance. This situation is very reminiscent of the days when we had a baby/toddler/pre-schooler to take care of. She would stay so focused on child care (and the other gazillion things that go with having small children in the house) that time for intimacy was not in the cards. And if I complained, she would point to the child and state that there is where our focus should be. Do women really understand the dilemma this puts a guy into? By wanting to make love to my wife, i.e., by wanting to express my love for her and feel her love for me, I'm somehow a heartless bastard who doesn't care for his child. The guy is always left to wonder; why can't I do both?

I didn't stomp and rave last night, but I did make it clear that she needs to make intimacy between us a much higher priority, EVEN when things are busy elsewhere in life. We can't just sit back and wait for the planets to align properly and suddenly give us an opportunity --> we have to plan for and MAKE those opportunities.

Before someone asks: yes, I am doing my part to help out with the kids, the house, and everything else that's loading her down right now. I am, however, back at work now and only have the evenings and weekends to pitch in -- which I'm doing. And I'm doing so because it's the right thing to do, and I enjoy it -- no 'Nice Guy' covert contracts.

I'll be glad when the summer is done and the kids are back in school for the day. She really seems to need that time during the day -- completely to herself -- to recharge her sexual batteries and be ready for me at night when I come home.

Alright -- thanks for letting me rant. I also think it's important that I journal the "bumps" here too, as well as the nice stretches of roadway. One year into our SSM recovery, it ain't smooth sailing yet (mixing metaphors).

-- B.