Maybe that utter geekiness will help me focus my efforts.
Quoting sage: Communication blockers
* I didn't fully listen when H talked --I'd watch tv, read, be on computer, etc 180 is to give h my full listening attention when he is talking (phone or in person). I am totally green on this one, baby!
* I did not manage my reactions well to h's disclosures about himself that scared me, threatened me. Instead of seeing that as "my crap" I think I put a lot of it back onto him, made him feel ashamed, fearful, as though he had to hide himself from me. 180 is to hear what h says and to not personalize it, overreact to it, etc, based on my own inability to deal with my stuff. 180 would be to validate his statements and (possibly) state mine if the time is right and it makes sense. Crap. I started out as blue but as I wrote, I changed it to red. When what h is talking about hits a sore spot for me, I stink at this. An area to improve!
* I haven't managed articulating my WANTS well -- I've been indirect, too cautious about telling him what I need. I should have been more direct and let his reaction just be his reaction. 180 is to appropriately state what I want in a direct manner and not personalizing his response. Giving myself a blue here...I'm seeing some progress.
* I interpret his moods, silences, etc. this builds a wall between us Simple 180. Stop interpreting. Even simpler -- I stink at this. MUST STOP DOING THIS.
* I often let things fester then blow up 180 is a combination of soothing myself and articulating my needs clearly when appropriate. Not doing well at this for "hot spots". I think a combination of other 180s will actually take care of this.
* I fail to stand up for myself respectfully and let him manage his response This is a redux
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
