Maybe that utter geekiness will help me focus my efforts.
Quoting sage: Failure to appreciate h.
* I would get angry when he didn't do what I thought he should do -- when he didn't meet the picture in my head I'm doing a good job on many things here -- I've dropped my anger around his job stuff, his family, the house, etc. Even when I wish that something were being done differently, I don't get angry about it even in my own head. Where I'm NOT doing well is in times of high stress/high anxiety when the "action" relates to ME. In other words, when I'm looking for something from h.: reassurance, a particular response, etc, I still struggle.
* I put the m. and h. behind other things (family, work, volunteer job) So the 180 is putting my M. first. I'm doing well at this, I think.
* I didn't notice and appreciate the things h was doing around the house/for our r. The 180 is to notice and thank h for the things he's doing around the house. I've actually done really well at this I think. H has also done great! He's doing even MORE AND he's thanking me for the things that I do.
* I ASSumed that he was unable to be responsible/make decisions/be in control because his way didn't always equal my way So, the 180 is to not ASSume anything negative about h's ability to be responsible, make decisions, etc. My success at this is akin to the first item on this list. I'm doing very well about tangible things (decisions on house, etc) but still struggle with interpersonal stuff. I DID put together that point/counter point list of ASSumptions so that's a good step, I suppose.
* I was always trying to "edit" h -- not accepting his statements, decisions, thoughts. Always had to put "my spin" (however slight) on it. I'd say that I'm closer to green than red here...the 180 is not editing h's statements and decisions. In other words, if I ask for his input, I am really, really conscious of NOT making changes to his input. I'm giving myself a blue because I'm not entirely successful at negotiating stuff that IS important to me...I fall back on my old habits.
* I acted as though having a family together (kids) wasn't important -- eventually, I think I even started acting as though we (he?) couldn't "hack" having kids. hmmm. Not sure how to score this one. I think adding a baby to this mix would be a disaster right now but that's more of a reality based assessment than a judgement on h. I also don't think that that assessment will necessarily be true FOREVER. I'd like to feel a lot more secure in the m.
* I used words and actions to make him feel like a bad husband, not grown up enough, not responsible enough, not anything enough 180 would be to notice and appreciate all of the great stuff he does, all the responsibilities he takes on, etc. I'm scoring this blue for the same reason as some others -- doing well on practical stuff, still struggling with letting go of the interpersonal.
* I didn't attempt to be interested in the things that interest him 180 would be to show an interest in the things that interest him. I'm giving myself a green score on this. 1 thing to note is that I'm honest about this effort -- I'm opening my mind to the things that interest him but I'm not developing some weird feigned stepford wife thingy about it.
* I acted as thought "his way" was almost right -- with this slight "my way edit" This is a redux of another above
* I failed to notice his romantic side, his vulnerable side The 180 would be to notice and appreciate his vulnerable and romantic sides. Giving myself a blue rating. I'm not as sensitive as I could be to my h's vulnerability.
* I was a naysayer -- not being a cheerleader for his dreams and goals 180 would be to actively support him in his goals and dreams. Giving myself a blue rating. I'm doing well in some areas (job, school) but still struggling with some areas that clash with my insecurities (house). I'm also not great at communicating my support.
* I failed to respect his need for space, time away from me. Was always trying to get him to "open up" So 180 is to respect his need for space, respect his approach to openess. To NOT sulk or expect him to always be there, always be a certain way. Doing "blue" because while I'm doing OK when I feel GOOD, I'm struggling with this when I don't feel GOOD. I need an action plan for when I'm struggling and h is distant.
* I haven't taken seriously his desire to have a clean uncluttered house 180 is to declutter the house willingly and actively. In my heart, I'm green on this but my execution is POOR. I need to work harder at actually DOING this.
* I failed to respect his time -- while running errands, always added 2-3 stops he didn't expect 180 is to be clear about errands in advance, to negotiate his time, to do errands myself if his timeline conflicts with mine. Doing well on this I think.
* I created chaos and crisis a lot cause that's my comfort zone and failed to see how much a calm environment means to him 180 is to be calm. To not overreact to small things; to handle large things appropriately; to manage my own reactions; to self-soothe. I'm rating myself as RED because I'm still CREATING chaos when I'm stressed and anxious. I'm GREEN on lots of little things, though.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
To not overreact to small things; to handle large things appropriately; to manage my own reactions; to self-soothe. I'm rating myself as RED because I'm still CREATING chaos when I'm stressed and anxious. I'm GREEN on lots of little things, though. 
