Letting God Take Control Part 16

[plentyhope]

nlt,

I am glad you found a comforting Bible verse. Keep up the praying and taking care of yourself. God loves you enough to want the best for you. For now, this is getting close to Him and healing your hurts.

[plentyhope]

glam,

How did the day with your H turn out?

[plentyhope]

Dawn, No problem - not hijacking. Good advice is always welcom. I will need to ry the confidence line as well!

[happynow]

Hi PH,

How are you doing today? I hope things are well for you. We all just have to keep praying. After I found out H had married again, I just quit praying for him b/c I really didn't know what to pray for anymore. But that has changed & I'm working on getting closer to God & also turning it all over to Him, He is in control.

(((HUGS)))

[Dawn of Hope]

Dawn, No problem - not hijacking. Good advice is always welcom. I will need to ry the confidence line as well!

PH,
Glad you were not bothered by it! I can't take credit for coming up with the "complete confidence" line--I heard it from someone or a book or something a few years ago. It does work pretty well if you use it under appropriate circumstances, though! And I'm sure we're ALL looking for things that work!

Hope you're doing well!

Peace,
Dawn

[glamgirl]

Good news PH. H called me at work today while he was watching the kids and said how about taking the kids out to dinner and I said sure. He said I got a job. Yeah Whooo! H has been unemployed for 7 months. This is a job he wanted and what a way to boost his confidence.

While we were out for dinner he mentioned how he might need to go to Florida for training possibly next week. Now in the past I have traveled with h on business trips so this would not be out of the ordinary, but I mentioned if I could join him. I was thinking he would have some excuse and he cheerfully said sure if you like. I about fell out of my seat.

Now whether I really will be able to with the kids is another story. I am not sure if I remember what to do sleeping in the same bed as h. We will see what happens with this one. I was just excited that h said sure.

We did have a great time at a pizza place with the kids. They played in a play structure while we had time to talk and laugh. My h had me laughing so much my sides and cheeks were aching. I did a lot of tilting my head to my side and shaking my head yes and validatin what he was saying.

Dawn I even got to throw out a few times h I am fully confident you...... Worked like a charm. My h did say oh yeah you have a few canned responses and laughed. I am sure he loved the idea that there was nothing for him to fight me about. I am trying really hard here.

While I was at work, he did help around the house and gave the kids baths before leaving and gave me a great big hug and kisses before he left. He also mentioned how he was now going to be able to help us financially. This was nice to hear.

Tomorrow he comes over again, so we will see how it goes. I will keep praying h and I continue to connect.

Thanks so much for the encouragement.

[Dawn of Hope]

Dawn I even got to throw out a few times h I am fully confident you...... Worked like a charm. My h did say oh yeah you have a few canned responses and laughed. I am sure he loved the idea that there was nothing for him to fight me about. I am trying really hard here.

Glam,
EXCELLENT JOB!! I'm so glad my suggestion is helping you! High fives all around!! Give yourself a big pat on the back; you deserve it! Now you just need to think-before-you-speak consistently enough that it becomes your new habit, replacing the one that wasn't working!

The "canned responses" bit isn't a big surprise. My H asked me at one point a few months ago if I was "running a program" in the way I was dealing with him. I just smiled and told him no. Of course, this is the same man who for years has gotten upset any time I have done something he perceives as a "technique" in interactions with him...for example, reflective (mirroring) listening.

This is one of the few disadvantages of being married to someone highly intelligent...they can often see right through any type of manipulation or communication technique, no matter how mild or well-intended. Fortunately I can compete in his arena ...H used to say, quite seriously, that I was smarter than he was...I figured if we were both genius-level, it really wasn't an issue which of us had a few more IQ points! Although sometimes I now wonder if H has started to believe I'm an idiot, because I'm not calling him out on his lies or raking him over the coals about his ongoing A...oh well, I have to do what I believe is right, regardless of what he thinks.

Wow, didn't mean to get that sidetracked! Oops!

Three cheers for glam! You go, girl!

Peace,
Dawn

[glamgirl]

Thanks Dawn. Good advice. I am just going to keep following it. I have to really get this right. I do know many of what my h's triggers are. He did mention the closet cleaning again today. So I will be working on that.

My h loves to boast about his business skills and I like hearing about it, so this is one area that my h talked about this evening. Telling me all about his past business jobs etc. He even said you didn't know that about me did you. I just said no I didn't h. I am so impressed.

Just trying to show support, love, encouragment, respect and admiration on a regular basis.

Now I just need to figure out how to get my h to move home! I am sure it's patience glam.

[Dawn of Hope]

Thanks Dawn. Good advice. I am just going to keep following it. I have to really get this right. I do know many of what my h's triggers are. He did mention the closet cleaning again today. So I will be working on that.

You're welcome, glam! This 180 is HUGE for you (IMHO) and you deserve congratulations!

Closet cleaning...you know about Flylady ( http://www.flylady.net ), right? Working with her principles has had a MAJOR effect on my house and on me! Before Flylady (I started in December 2002), I was a perfectionistic, procrastinating clutterbug slob...now I'm just a recovering procrastinating perfectionist! (Hey, two out of four ain't bad!) The difficulty people have with Flylady, I think, is that they refuse to try her suggestions because they don't think they will work. I'm proof (and so are about 700,000 other people) that they do, if you just suspend disbelief and follow along with her plan long enough to see whether this stuff really works or not. I know I sound like a religious fanatic, but this has made such a huge difference in my life that I always want to challenge people by saying, "Try Flylady--that means wholeheartedly work with the system, don't just *pretend* that you are trying--for a full month, and see if you can PROVE that it won't help you." The thing is, people start working with Flylady to get their homes in order, and eventually they discover that it's not just their homes, but their *minds* that are getting straightened out...it really helps you stop spinning and wallowing in the murk of life and self-doubt. Okay, I'll step off that soapbox for now...sorry for wandering off there!

If you know his triggers, that's good...don't forget that you want to focus on things that you think would be good for YOU, and in YOUR best interests overall...and if he likes them, that's a bonus! Hopefully you can envision how much better you will feel once you can actually find things in your closet without any fuss or struggle!

Now I just need to figure out how to get my h to move home! I am sure it's patience glam.

You know the correct answer to that as well as anyone else, I'm sure...shine so brightly that he can't resist being drawn back to you!

I've been following you around on the board for the last hour or so (not stalking, honestly! I just go to the top thread that has posts I haven't read, and there you are again!). Well, it's now 4:30 a.m. and I'm way overdue to turn in for the night (uh, what's left of it...I think the birds are going to start singing pretty soon)! So, without further ado...

'Night, John Boy! 'Night, Mary Ellen!

Peace,
Dawn

[glamgirl]

Thanks Dawn. I haven't spent enough time on flylady to try the program. It seems I am so busy and don't have time to read the website, but I will work on this. I think once the kids are back in school then I can really focus. I really want a clean house for me and my h.

Thanks for your insight. You have great perspectives.