Sorry to hear you're struggling right now. Your situation is starting to sound a bit more like mine.
It's now to the point where we also have sex when we meet, and it's very good. I haven't said a word about it to H, because I think if I read anything into it he wouldn't want to do it anymore.
OK a lot of the backsliding you've described of course isn't positive, but you are still meeting with your H on a regular basis. That's huge!
Can I suggest that you don't send texts apologizing when things do go wrong? I tend to do that too, and it seems to push my H away even more, or it focuses his attention me being hurt and lashing out. I really think it adds to them feeling guilty, and this is never a good thing. Instead you could be like your H, and shrug it off, or mention it next time you see him and talk about the stress of your pet dying and how it did crazy things to you.
Yes I'm seething with anger at my H too for many of the same reasons you've mentioned, lack of affection after sex, lack of gratitude for the nice things I do etc. However many wise DBers have told me that we can't expect these things at all right now. My DB coach mentioned that for us it's like putting money in the relationship bank, that we can't withdraw for a long time. In order to do this we have to be willing to be the ones making the sacrifice for awhile. In fact maybe the anger at some point will help us both to detach a bit more, to realize that it isn't worth getting caught up in their emotional rollercoasters.
Honestly though Daisy, I think you have a pretty decent situation, with hope, even if it feels terrible at the moment. There are many positive things here, your H being willing to go to counseling, you and he meeting up frequently, the sex, the friendly texts (at least at one point), and the fact that he did come over to help with the guinea pig.
Someone asked me to write down the things that I was doing that were working, instead of focusing on the negative things (you should read my thread loads of good advice). When I did this, I actually found a few things that had at least small measures of success. You might want to try this.
Hope you feel better soon, ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
