Starting again...with a Beginner's Mind

[sage]

It's amazing to me how resilient my h. is and our m. is. I guess I'll throw myself into that pile, too -- how resilient I am as well!

What do I mean? Well, after the crappiness of last week, I realized that I had two main goals:

1. To get back to the baseline of "good feelings" -- where h. is saying ILY, I am saying it, we go out together, we relax together, h plans dates, I plan dates, h initiates, I initiate etc

2. To get through my next freak out phase w/o blowing up, looking for reassurance, freaking out, etc. To "self-soothe" so to speak.

Here's our progress re. goal #1. Over the last 24 hours, these things have happened:

1. I went to bed before h. last night (he stayed up to watch the end of the sox game). He came in about 15 minutes later -- I commented that it was quicker than I thought it would be -- he said "the sox tied it up. I just came in to give you a REAL goodnight kiss since this may take a while". He gave me a wonderful kiss goodnight.

2. h called yesterday in kind of a bummer of a mood. he had been trying to start cleaning the cellar but was overwhelmed. I think I did a good job validating and suggested that he hold off on the cellar and that we would both clean it together on Friday. Turns out, he cleaned it anyway, seemed cheered up by it and very thoughtfully suggested that I shouldn't clean the cellar because I have a bad cough and the dust would aggravate it.

3. h was charming this AM -- still in bed while I was up and about leaving for work -- he was just smily and told me I was "cute" and was very loving.

4. h. called this AM to sing me my "good morning, I love you song" -- too totally adorable.

I am a lucky woman. I have had so many chances to rebound from my "cycle". My goal is clear. My h. is loving and loveable. I am committed to goal #2. If I start feeling insecure again, I will be armed and dangerous with DB techniques!

Sage