Where do I go from here? pt. 2

[cagzmom]

You you give up on trying. The TRYING is control and we don't have that ok?

GAIN RESPECT FOR YOU!! (that is what my sister would say). What is it that you want? the person taht he is right now? come on now!! would you wan thtat for d14??? NO!! so stop stop stop. You and i have GOT TO STOP obsessing about our ow...we have to. It is HURTING US NOT THEM!!

Neither one of us is ready my friend for another relationshp. So the relationship we need to build is with OURSELVES and that needs to start now. (this is so much easier to say to you then to take for myself...grin grin!!)

THE D -- well it hurts- yep can't lie. When I got that stupid peice of paper I was like.."Are you kidding me...this is it? after ALL those years...?" But see---we cant control any of it. The stopping or the starting. CLOSE THE DOOR for YOU -- not to prove something or to stop something or to start something...for YOU and FOR ME we ahve to close our eyes and LIVE!!

You know the truth. IF our h's or my xh came back and had really changed and really seen the light and etc etc etc...right now we would say..ok my door is open now to you. BUT THAT isn't happening right now. SO we need to close teh door FOR US!!

See it isn't to show them or to stop them...cause theya re going to do what htey are going to do... Do you see it? It is so that YOU and me - so we stop looking OUTSIDE the door, around the cracks to see if maybe they are going to give us a morsel. AND THAT JUST PLAIN hurts!!

You gotta get reading some boosk -do something with that wonderful mind of yours!! I dont know what (shoot I am tyring to figure that out for myself...) BUT IT IS time!! FOR BOTH of us...

come on now..... we can do this!!