Neil, don't beat yourself up too hard - you don't deserve all of the blame and the only thing you are going to get a big, ugly bruise. Look, your W was obviously attracted to you when you got engaged/married. She knew what you were like into before she said "I do". Do you really think that before the bomb, that you've changed so drastically that she saw somebody else than the person she married? I wouldn't bet on on it. I saw a quote somewhere, could have been here, which was something like "A man gets married and hopes his wife doesn't change and she does...a woman gets married and hopes her husband changes and he doesn't". Now, how does this relate to you? Why do feel you have to shoulder all the responsibilities of blame here?
Life evolves, you've had challenging situations, and whether or not you've dealt with them well, you did the best you could do with the knowledge and maturity you had at the time. Forgive yourself now! Tell yourself that "I, state your name, am a good man and I'm getting better by the day." You are gaining knowledge and experience that will serve to enrich your future life. But, please, do yourself a huge favor and stop beating yourself up. Accept what happened in the past as a lessons learned and go on.
We are all the products of the sum of all of our experiences - the good, the bad, the ugly - they all share in defining who we are. While you might think that the bad and ugly don't contribute positively to our being, you would be wrong. Hopefully, we learn - we move on.
