Reason to Believe on the Lake Erie Shore

[sandi2]

what's more difficult? forgiving the LBH for his f ups or forgiving yourself for putting up with them?

I'm not sure if you stated that the way you meant to, or if I am not understanding the question. If you had said, what is more diffcult to forgive....the LBS for his f ups or forgiving yourself for walking away......then I would understand that. I understand that quesion.......but I don't know if I can answer it. I think it is a personal task that each individual WAW has to do. For me personally, forgiving myself was very hard to do. I backslide and start feeling the guilt and have to do it all over again. Even when we forgive when there has been a lot of hurt and some wayward act that has caused "distruction" in a R or family or whatever......you still have to deal with the consequences. So, I see my "guilt feelings" as part of the "fall-out" of my EA. I got off easy compared to a lot of other people. I was very blessed that worse things did not occur due to that. But, enough bad things resulted from it that I will always be "sorry" for what I did.

Now, about forgiving the LBS. Wow, that could take pages to discuss and you don't have that much thread left...lol. But, I don't really think you want to hear about Sandi. I think you want to know if your W will forgive you or if she is going to forgive herself for putting up with you.

As far as forgiving yourself (the WAW) for putting up with the LBS's f ups.......I guess I haven't thought of it quite like that. Not in the sense of "forgiving myself" for putting up with him!

You really were a bad boy.....no doubt about that! However, she seem to always go back to you. It depends if she has anything left in her "love tank" (if you are familiar with that term). I t depends if she feels like she has been a fool all these years for allowing you to treat her like crap. If she is mad at herself to the point she will not allow herself to forgive you, then don't expect another chance.

However, Neil, if there is still a drop of love in her heart for you and she can see a lot of changes and she is convinced that it is for life......then there is still hope. But, honey, this is going to take a long time to convince her of it (I think)....I know it would me if I had been M to you!

So, do you have the patient? After having so many different women over the years, can you go without a woman that long to prove to her that you want only her? Or, do you know in your heart that you can't go without a woman--and that you will date eventually--and maybe get involved with another woman? Either way, you need to really work on those changes or you are going to have the same problems all over again in the next R.

For all I know, your W may beat herself up every day for being the biggest fool ever! But, she will finally get over it and either find somebody that will appreciate what she has to give, or she will find it in her heart to forgive you......as well as herself.....and she will want to reconcile.

You are going to have opportunities for her to see changes in you without you applying pressure to her. You can give her freedom and space and let her grow. She probably needs to "find herself" again! This could all end up with a better M than what you ever had. It has happened before with other couples. But, you need to decide what you want and how hard you are willing to change and how hard you will work at being patient (if you want her back). B/c I'm here to tell you that it will take a long time. If you decide to hang with it.....it better be for the "long haul".

I probably didn't answer what you were asking. If not, try another approach and maybe I will get it the same time around.

I agree with the others. You need to take a couple of days to stop focusing on the stitch. Give your brain a rest. Go have some fun or relaxation.

Take care ((Neil))

Sandi