Quote: Ah...I **think** the withdrawal is one of two things...it's either me just freaking out (w/o h. contributing at all) OR it's just the slightest withdrawal by him...I'll notice that he stops saying ILY for a few days....he won't initiate or be receptive to me initiating...I get hypervigilant...start thinking I SEE something, etc. then freak out. It's so slight...not a big deal at all...but I convince myself that I have to be on "infidelity watch" -- that what I noticed before about h. -- when I KNEW he was having an a (and was right) was that the ilys stopped, the intimacy stopped, he stopped holding my hand, everything.
Just wanted to let you know that I am going through this exact same thing, and am too trying to find the balance. This weekend my W pulled back a little. I don't really think it was a big deal, but I made it into one...evaluating her present behavior and comparing it with her past behaviors. I made my own assumptions because she briefly (and accidentally ) saw OM Thursday evening when she went out with her friend. Thing is, I end up getting into a funk and it doesn't help our sitch any...as I'm sure it doesn't for you.
My W, although seemingly more communicative than your H, said to me repeatedly, just because I'm distant doesn't mean anything is wrong, or that it has anything to do with THAT! It's not that I'm afraid she's off to see OM. It's more that I'm afraid of going back to previous patterns that led to her having an A in the first place. The irony here is that by projecting my fears onto her, I am the one repeating past patterns.
Sage, I have fears, insecurities, the whole gamut, just as you do. We are in this mode of hyperanalyzing and it sucks. In the past what we would've shined on now becomes a big issue. Really, this is the opposite of what we should be doing. So, how to break this mold?
I think I'm just going back to act "as if," and redouble my efforts on hitting her love language. I find that things are best when I'm doing that. What about you?
Didn't mean to hog your thread with me...me...me... I just wanted to show some parallels...
