Starting again...with a Beginner's Mind

[sage]

what are you doing as the good starts to come back again?

can you do more of that?

what if you stopped looking for reasurrances and simply told yourself the opposite of all the neg assumptions you make on your own?

what will you do the next time you sense or assume h is withdrawing....where will you allow your thoughts to go...what will you think of instead of making negative assumptions about his withdrawal.

LL -- you're actually READING my mind!!! We crossposted. My two (still crappily worded goals with NO actions yet) are just what you suggest.

Do what it takes to get back to the good.
Get through the next "freak out" phase in a VERY different manner.

is his slight withdrawal really withdrawal or is it more of a stepping back and not being so "on" sort of a getting comfortable once again in the r?

Ah...I **think** the withdrawal is one of two things...it's either me just freaking out (w/o h. contributing at all) OR it's just the slightest withdrawal by him...I'll notice that he stops saying ILY for a few days....he won't initiate or be receptive to me initiating...I get hypervigilant...start thinking I SEE something, etc. then freak out. It's so slight...not a big deal at all...but I convince myself that I have to be on "infidelity watch" -- that what I noticed before about h. -- when I KNEW he was having an a (and was right) was that the ilys stopped, the intimacy stopped, he stopped holding my hand, everything.

There's no doubt a BIG difference between the slight pull I feel now and the super, duper withdrawal of a year ago...I just get 'em confused.

Not a pretty sight!!!

Sage