"i'm struggling to forgive myself. this is the woman i love. and i see the hell i put her through....."
(((((((((Neil)))))))))))
You have to know that even if you don't forgive yourself NOW ... that you have that capability within yourself to do it. God loves you and we love you. My goodness! You have the most active thread on this network. You are LOVED and you are already forgiven, even if you don't know it yet.
What do you think I've been going through these past two months??? Why do you think I've been in panic mode for most of these two months??? I've been SCARED and ALONE with the monster that is me! Hence, the reactions, the meds, the obsessive calling, the anger etc.
Now, I'm not saying that we (you or me) can just snap our fingers and it will all be gone. It is a PROCESS -- you know those little baby steps everybody keeps talking about???? Well, one day, you're going to wake up one morning and realize that it's NOT ALL YOUR FAULT. God forgives you, I forgive you. Your wife -- if she hasn't already fogiven you -- will forgive you. And you're going to realize that you can forgive yourself too.
Did you ever get a chance to read my poem on the forgiveness thread?
