"... the most difficult, but most important step that we ALL have to take in repairing a long-term SSM is to get beyond our own anger, resentment, and bitterness, in order to actually work at solving the problem. For example, if your husband sees you as "that angry woman who nags at me all the time," then he's not likely to want to change anything -- he'll dig in his heels instead. Getting beyond all that old baggage usually takes months of dedicated Get-A-Life (GAL) work: Learning to be less dependent upon HIM for your happiness, and learning to find your own happiness within yourself."
This comment is so dead on target. I have been watching my H "dig in his heels" for almost three months now because I've been in so much pain and acting on my pain instead of what my brain has been learning from thess boards.
An interesting note: Today, I was hypnotized by my therapist. I specifically told her, again, that I wanted to save my marriage, and she listened. I told her I wanted to get rid of the pain and anxiety and the behavioral problems that I was chosing to hold onto as a result of those feelings. And she did it. I was crying going into the process, and the calmness that I feel now has lasted since lunchtime.
