I DO think too much. I put too much thought into things that I shouldn't be. My sitch, GBG, who I want to hang with, loneliness, being rejected...
Everthing but me.
I know I have to spend some time with and for myself. As I was posting yesterday, I could just feel the stuff starting to come out. I depressd myself. The things that I'm FORCING myself to do. Being dark with GBG, detaching from her. Things that, in my heart, I really don't want to be doing, but feel like I have to.
And I DON'T let her see me in a sad state or mopey. Hell no. She only sees me being quiet and strong. At least aloof. I have to try to be nice, too. Of all things, THAT is kind of hard right now. Who woulda thunk it.
You know, on Sunday when I picked up the girls, she was being really nice to me. Trying to talk more. She told me about how she found a huge trash bag full of decorative pillow. She showed them to me. Animal print, her favorite. Perfect condition. Like 8 of them. Big ones. She was going to rewash them all. I told her to take them to the laundry mat. She told how it made her remember how her and her mom used to look in dumpsters as a child, also. She also started to tell me about a client that was moving from a house to an apartment and invited her to go see if she wanted anything before she donated it. GBG told me she was going to go look and see if she finds anything and that she would look for me too, if I wanted. I told her about our plans for the day, too. I had been invited to a soft opening of a clients new Mexican restaurant. Free food and drink for me and guests.
We both agreed that free is good these days. It felt really nice. Then later, all hell broke loose and the day got all jacked up.
What is also hard is that my circle of friends, single friends, is comprised mostly of ladies.
When I think about it, that's odd.
I HAVE been feeling pretty strong, lately. I think you guys have seen it.
I have only entertained the idea of hanging around B. I'm really not looking for romance, and I keep thinking that I read too much into her calls.
But I will keep a distance.
The good Lord knows that I've been strong this far, I can maintain and keep it going. I am NOT GBG. It's the best thing for me and for my girlies, anyway.
Thanks people. Really. You guys have really helped me. I know it is hard to see others heartache.
And all you can do is write. I go through the same thing.
And thank you CBK. You came at the right time, brother. You popped up outta no where.
I was a little grouchy last night when I home. Got on the girls about picking up after themselves. Got doing going and we sat to eat. Again, they loved it. Decided to go to Best Buy to get me a new cell. People were starting to make fun of my old one. I plan on keeping Sprint, so, free phone is good. The Rumor. I feel like such a techie. To Target afterwards for D11. She wanted to enter some giveaway for the Jonas Brothers. She just knows she is going to win. Bless her heart. Got her some new earphones for her cd player. On to grocery store for some more fruit and dog food. Inside, GBG calls her. She is just getting to the store too.
It was about 9:30, so I guess she wasn't planning on getting me their things. Again.
Strange thing is that she didn't ask to meet. To see them. She talked to D11 for a few minutes. Told her she would see her tomorrow.
I mean, that was really odd. She COULD have been with OM, but I doubt it. S14 was at the apartment. As we left, we spotted her Rodeo outside. D11 called her back to let her know we were leaving. I told D11 to tell her that we were going to the video store in the adjacent parking lot. Again, no offer to see them???
Home and off to bed. Mulling around my bedroom, my phone rings. Its her. I have to say hello several times. I hear commotion. "Hello?" "Hi." "Did I accidentally call you? I must have pressed the button bringing in the groceries. Or did you call me?" "Uh, you called me." "Sorry." "Its alright." "The girls? They ok?" "Yeah, they're in bed already." "oh." "How do want to do Miguel tomorrow?" "I'll take him after. You get off work before I usually do, and I still haven't made an extra key." "Ok then..." A little pause. "Then I'll see you tomorrow." "Bye."
Now this time, D6 sneaks back to my room. I tell her she needs to get to bed.
"I miss mommy." "I know honey. It's ok to miss mommy. Just like you miss me when you're at her apartment. I know it's hard. We have to get used to it. It'll get better." I put her on my back and to bed.
This morning, I find her asleep on the sofa.
I reckon I'll make a larger dinner tonight just in case I invite her to stay. Looks like chicken again tonight. I bought this huge pack of chicken thighs and a huge pack of breasts on sale for .99 a pound last weekend. I froze it all, so now I have to defrost a whole stupid pack and cook it all. Like 10 pieces each. I'll save the breasts for a cookout, I guess.
I'm learning.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
You said you put too much thought into things that you shouldn't be...your situation, your W.......I don't think you are putting too much thought into that. There can never be enough thought into trying to save a marriage.
I DO agree you need to put more thought into YOU, though, like you said. DOing things for you is important for you because it can help you save your marriage, AND it will help you become a happy, independent individual.
You talked about how, on Sunday, she was being nice to you. H4h, she left you and is seeing the guy she had the affair with. If you want her back you can't be her "friend" right now. If you don't care about that, you can be her friend and she will be the happiest woman on earth. She'll get you as her friend and a little more ('cause face it, you love her and always will), and she gets this OM which is "doing it for her" at the moment.
Your circle of single women friends is ok if you were single. But, you are married, wanting to stay married to your wife. If that fact changes, then other things change as well...
I have seen you strong with your kids and at times with your W.
Don't even entertain the idea of hanging around B. You can't see it, but all of us can. It is NOT a good idea. You are NOT reading too much into her calls. Good plan to keep a distance from her.
I am sorry that you feel we don't see your heartache. We do. We are helping you fight for your marriage on a website called, "divorce busting". We won't be telling you it is ok to see other women because you feel "it is time" or "right for you" and we won't be telling you to be helpful to your W who is leaving the house and having an affair. We are trying to tell you things that we feel will help you save your marriage.
Why are you inviting her over for dinner? If it is to give her the Retro info...woo hoo....if it is to just be nice..booooo.
Hope you are doing better today. We do care about you so much. YOu are such a kind man and we all want you to succeed and do everything you possibly can to save your marriage and the woman you love so dearly.
When she was telling me her story, I listened. I gave her eye contact, but that was about it. I didn't stand there and give her the convo that she was trying to have with me. Mostly my one word answers or my "Mhm" or "Mmm". Not too much else. I WANT to respond by chatting back with her, but I don't. Gave her a smile here and there as she spoke and head nods. NOT trying to be her friend for sure.
What I meant about the heartache...
I meant that it is hard to WATCH someone struggle and writhe in pain. Like seeing a deer hit by a car. You feel helpless. You can only uplift in written word. THATS hard. Frustrating actually.
Not inviting her for dinner. I was going to have to make a lot of chicken tonight. She is bringing S14 over to stay with me for 2 days. I doubted that she was going to be here by the time we ate. I would ask her if she wanted something to eat. Thats all. If I do get a chance for the Retro stuff, I will. I probably will.
I am doing much better today. Like I posted before yours, sometimes it is easy to depress yourself. Stinkin' thinkin', like H4U likes to say.
On the way home, talking to D11, I get a call from S14. He needs his moms cell phone number. He still hasn't put it in his phone. I ask him what the plan is. "Moms going to take me when she gets off of work, and then we're going to have dinner." "What do you mean?" "Mom's going to make dinner and take it." "Oh really. I was going to cook chicken tonight. Why is she doing that?" "I dunno. I have to go, ok. I'll see you later, dad." "Alright."
Go back to D11 thinking WTH and then GBG calls her. D11 comes back and says she couldn't hear her mom on the phone. Then GBG calls me. Like 20 seconds later.
"Hi. I tried to call Amanda but she couldn't hear me." "I have her on the line now. Must be a system thing or something. Miguel said the same thing." "I am going to take Miguel to the house after I get out of here. I cooked a roast, so I thought we could have dinner there." "I was going to cook chicken tonight." "Well.. no, just save it. I'll bring dinner, ok?" "ok." "okay, then I'll see you later." "Bye."
???????
Should I have declined? Told her that I have dinner covered? She must have it in the crock pot.
She F'ing threw me off. All I could say was 'ok'. First thing I could think of was 'If I tell her no, is this going to help or hurt?' On the way home, my mind was going a 100 mph.
'Does she think I'm not up to task on taking care of the girls? Does she think that I have no food? Do I ask her why she is doing this? Do I ask her if OM is going to get jealous?' (thats my sarcastic voice)
It just came out. 'ok'. SH*T! I was discombobulated.
Maybe I AM supposed to give her the info tonight? A sign that we were both thinking dinner?
I don't know.
Thoughts?
Last edited by hopeful4her; 08/13/0811:28 PM.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Perfect! Let her see that you had everything under control...sounds delish!!!!!
More thoughts.....Yep, I think she hates being away from them and is doing that to keep herself "in there". A few things about that....she hates what she is doing (good), she is choosing to spend time with the family (good), she is taking "your time" away from you and making herself look like the "good mommy" even though she moved out(bad). I see it as your opportunity for retro info...don't chicken out...do it..... Tonight should be interesting. Let us know how it goes. It will help you figure out how to go in the future if she does this again.
Your "convo" and "Mm Hmm ing" sounds perfect. Focus on you and the task, not her and what she is saying...unless it is about the kids and important when to pick up info and the like.
OK, I get what you are saying about watching someone in pain....yes, you got that right....we just want to come over and sit with you, talk to you, laugh with you, ......just be with you, h4h.
Now, get that chicken ready and smelling and looking good, table set, etc.
Okay, she left. She is going to pick up S14 in town and bring him back, because the goober went to the movies.
I will give her the packet when she gets back. Not sure if she'll come in or not, but even if I take it out to the car, I will give it to her.
I guess after she left her place, she called my phone to talk to D11. I hear, "You can't? Did you look in the bathroom? Ughhhh! Okay." Upset.
GBG calls me back 5 minutes later, wondering what is wrong with D11. I say I don't know. She sounds mad and earlier in the day, on the phone, she was short with her. I say I have no idea, but I'll ask. GBG sounds upset. What else is new?
I ask D11 if she is okay. She says yes. I tell what her mom said. "I was frustrated, because I know where it is, but I couldn't be there to show her. And earlier she called and I was watching the Disney Channel All Star thing. You know I can't talk when I watch tv. I get distracted."
That true. I usually have to tell her to turn off the tv when I call her so she'll pay attention.
I don't think I'll explain to GBG, though. Let her think that D11 is upset with her.
She got here. Door was unlocked and she just walked in carrying the whole crock pot.
I have to remember to lock the door next time. We usually don't until bedtime. I'm out in the boonies, remember.
The girls are excited to see her. Hello's and hugs from the girls and after about 10 minutes, they are back to my room watching Hannah Montana. I guess the excitment was short lived.
Alone in the kitchen, I am checking on my chicken. Doing my thing. She asks how my day was. I say long. She starts to tell me that she enrolled S14 today and he is set. Took 2 hours. She is exhausted. "I haven't been sleeping well." I ask her if she got her bed on Sunday. She says no. Disappointed. Still on the air mattress. Slept on the bunk bed on Monday, but S14 and nephew, who spent the night last night, took the bunk. She got the air mat again last night. "oh."
She is doing the talking. I just serve up my usual to her. Aloof and detached. Short answers.
Any way, she starts to serve. I call the girls. D6 decided to sit in my usual spot at the head of the table.
I ask girls what they want to drink. I get it. I ask GBG. She wants water, so I get her a cup of water. She serves us all and takes to the table.
No grace tonight. They just started eating. I am seated my GBG at the table but I'm sitting WAY over away from her. I drink my Dos Equis beer. MMmmmmm. She talk a little and the her phone rings. MIL.
I can hear clear as day. "What are you doing?" "I am at the house visiting the girls. I brought them dinner. We are eating." "Oh, that was nice of you. You miss them, huh?" "Don't make me cry." She starts to break down.
She gets up from the table. I talk to my girlies. What they did during the day.
GBG finishes her convo back at the table. By this time, the girls and I had gotten up and decided to make cookies. We are already cutting the dough. I can see GBG just looking at us. I clean up. Wash dishes. She is talking to the girls. S14 calls me on my phone. He is out and if I can pick him up in an hour. I say ok. "Why did Miguel call you?" "I have no idea. Didn't you tell him to call me?" "No, I told him to call me." "Don't know. Check you phone." She checks and tries her phone. No service. She uses her old phone that D11 is now using. "Why did you call your dad? How come you didn't call me?" "I did. You didn't answer." "Oh, its because I don't have service out here. I am going to pick you up now."
She is getting ready. She walks around the house. Asks if I have a cord for the land phone for her apartment. She took and old one that didn't have a reciever cord. I say no. I go to get her a brand new one that I bought months ago for emergencies.
I grab it from my closet and then put it back. Nope. Not going to give it to her. I say nothing.
She goes to Miguels old room. She goes to nephews old room. She checks girls room. She goes to fridge and looks. She goes to back fridge. She is crying. Says she is going. Girls give hugs. The whole time, D11 and I were playing and playing. Playing Siamese twins and tickle fighting. She will be back. Asks if we need eggs. I say 'Nope'. I'll bring you some milk.
We were low. I say "Okay".
She leaves. Again, I can tell that she sat in the car for about 5 minutes before she left.
Will update later tonight.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
