God give me the patience and the strength...6

[theotherhalf]

Too much time on my hands today. I've been thinking of and missing H alot today. Tonight is his last night at his work of 17 years...I wanted to call him, say "good luck" or "sorry" or I don't know what. I didn't. Letting him go remember?...They get off at midnight tonight and tradition is they'll all go to bar afterwork to celebrate last night. OW lives in that town. Will he end up at her place after??? Really trying not to think about it but oh so hard.

I realized today that my H moved out to his own place a year ago last week. It's still so hard and unbelievable. I still feel like I am stuck in a bad dream. I remember back then reading here that alot of WAS came back after a year of S. I remember thinking OMG how can I make it that long without him. Well here I am a year later and I am okay. But there is no hope insight that my H will ever move back home. Maybe it's just been too long. Absense in our case only made his heart grow colder and take him farther away from me. I guessed this way back then, this time I wish I had been wrong.

Today I am thinking that once he gets his 401 in hand, he will file for D and this mess will all be over. I really did try people. I just couldn't do it right...