Need advice about H and OOW

[sgctxok]

Puppydog and Runningoutoftime,

He definitely keeps it secret, but I'm no dummy... However, I have stopped snooping temporarily because it just hurts too much. But I'm not ready to confront him. Believe it or not, this is his second OOW that I know of...

The reason he dropped the bomb was that I confronted him about e-mails I found between him and first OOW -- whom he went and met, and then it failed miserably for some reason. And I begged him not to go, but he wouldn't and reassured me they were "just friends." Then I found e-mails from second OOW -- who scooped him up on the rebound and he fell for quite quickly. Apparently OOW#1 broke his heart. So I'm sure they were not "just friends."

I do think H needs help, but he won't hear it from anyone. I've told him around bomb-dropping time that I thought he was addicted, but he says "I know it's just an escape, yada yada yada..."

As much as he feeds into to this OOW, I think he is on the fence -- doesn't want to give up his life, yet doesn't know how to make himself happy. And my gut tells me this one won't last, like the other one didn't -- what's that they say about affairs, they last about 6 months?

So I work on getting stronger because eventually I will have to issue an ultimatum. But I need to be stronger first. It's only been about 9 weeks and I'm getting better every day.

And Runningoutoftime, she's not a man, unfortunately. How great would that be? No, he does talk to her on the phone and she's sent her photo and of course she runs some freakin' charity to help African kids and spread world peace and her father was some golf great, or so she says, which just feeds into my husband's obsession with the sport. It's too perfect...

And I've actually considered getting involved in that site and "posing" as another love interest. But frankly it takes too much time to figure it out and I'm not tech savvy. Plus I want my H in the "real" world... But don't think I haven't thought about it!

Thanks for both your posts.

I think you have great ideas to try.


If you are not ready to confront and set limits, you shouldn't.

Puppy and I have had some lively discussions...and I value his perspective. He has had success with his method, and it is valuable. However, it ISN'T for the faint of heart.

You need to be in a place of strength.

So....what would PUT YOU in a place of strength?

And .... how would you know you were there?