Hey folks...I actually have another topic to discuss today....
PORN!
Yay, porn. Right? Most people are going to think that most women have the same view on porn...I want to assure everyone that I do not have the same view as most women. I do not demonize men for viewing it, and I do also fully understand it personally (because I enjoy it too, and much more than the average woman does).
But there are 3 facets to porn that make me, in general, against it. Here they are:
1. It is addictive. Now, if you don't have an addictive personality or you are somehow exempt from the addictive effects of porn, then you may feel this won't apply to you and you will probably poo-poo it. The bottom line is though that it doesn't matter if you don't feel you are an addict-candidate...you still need to "use" not "abuse", and be careful! I have found that healthy men who do not have an addiction issue in general and none toward porn, but who do view it, just don't "get" the fact that they still MAY develop the addiction over time. So anyway....use not abuse! Use in moderation. Use in a KNOWLEDGEABLE way...don't just use at random and assume it can't/won't hurt anything. It can! It does! Don't fool yourself! (I will possibly come back later and relate a more personal story about this).
2. There is a double-standard here. It is this: most men claim they would not/do not mind their woman looking at porn, but that is not actually true! They WOULD mind it, especially if she was sneaking around to do it, if she was looking at stuff that gave you pause (ie: really bizarre or stuff that includes people who look a lot different than what YOU consider sexy), or if she was sending and receiving porn from "friends". Men just don't know that they would mind, because women are not typically viewing it and sneaking around and emailing pics to their friends. If women were doing this, if this was typical behavior for women, you can bet that men would not stand for it and there would be a lot more uproar about how dangerous porn is, that uproar being made by MEN. If men were in women's shoes in this regard, they would suddenly understand a whole lot better why women seem to get "insecure" about porn. It is not considered insecurity though, when a man doesn't want his woman sending porn videos to her best guy friends at work - even though he is doing the same thing! In a man's mind, he seems to think that he is "different" in his need for porn and justifies it that way, and at the same time, he justifies the double standard that way. But please believe me guys...you would NOT like your woman sneaking around to view it on a regular basis!
3. Now this is the truly important issue here....
Do people understand how powerful the mind is? Do you know how powerful our thoughts are, particularly thoughts that are charged in any way? Thoughts actually preceed reality. You could even say that thoughts create reality. And no matter how you may want to tell yourself that your fantasies and thoughts are private and therefore should be "harmless", this is untrue. Thoughts are never private, no matter how you want to believe they are. They do not just "go nowhere". Thoughts are the catalyst of creation. They do "go somewhere" and they do cause creation.
So...when it comes down to viewing porn, the thoughts you are having DO MATTER. And what are you "saying" with your thoughts at that time? I mean really "saying", to the universe? To the rest of creation? To yourself and your self-image?
My opinion, is that when you are viewing porn for self-gratification alone, what you are "saying" with your thoughts is something like this:
"I fantasize about OTHER people having great sex, but I myself do not have great sex, I only pleasure myself and watch THEM do it, but I am somehow not worthy of having great sex like the people on the screen are".
???
Do you see why this is not condusive to helping YOU get any closer to good sex? It only reinforces the idea that you DO NOT have good sex, while others DO have it, and all you get to do is watch the video evidence. You are pummeling your mind with this idea every time you view porn alone. And then...that thought, which is extremely charged, goes forward into reality and starts its own creation....
If people really understood just how important ALL of your thoughts really are. And thoughts that work AGAINST your own self-esteem (even if you don't realize you are doing it) should be avoided!
And here is another thing...if you watch porn, but you would not be turned on by watching porn of YOURSELF (ie: you are insecure, overweight, don't like the way you look, don't have skills, etc), then again, where is there anything healthy about this? If you would not watch yourself on video and be turned on, then you have some work to do. Why salivate over SOMEONE else's fantasy, when you should be working toward creating and bringing to reality your OWN fantasies?
- - - - -
I know that many men feel that they are only turning to porn because their wife is not available to them. But (I am sorry) I don't buy that. It doesn't really matter if your wife is available to you sexually or not. You are still making that choice. You CAN masterbate without porn, you know, and maybe if you tried that, you could conjure up some really cool mental fantasies about YOURSELF - instead of about those stranger's bodies on the screen.
I feel that using porn by yourself is something that can quickly turn self-indulgent. And just like over-eating, being over-induldgent really doesn't make you feel better in the long run.
Being healthy makes you feel better. How about learning to have a healthy mind full of thoughts and fantasies that actually HELP you move toward better sex?
- - - -
One last point, from my own relationship, neither of us is allowed to view porn alone. This is a safeguard for both of us. I could be sucked into it just as easily as any man and my fiance understands this. Therefore, the rule is not just for him but for ME. We do occasionally watch porn together. And I occasionally give him permission to use it without me for masterbation (this is rare...it has only happened once that I can recall and it was a special circumstance). I would never ask him to let me use it without him because I know it would freak him out. Lucky for me, he never asks me either.
One thing I do for fun though...
Since I know he used to enjoy the occasional email from a friend with porn attached, and this is now a no-no due to our agreement, so I will now once in a while go on-line, find a great anime pic (his favorite type - and that is ANIME not animal - LOL!), and email it to him along with a sexy note about how I'm gonna pounce on him later. So I have attempted to help replace his "fun" break in the day that way. He loves it, of course.
Porn can be great - it can be something you share with your partner - it can be great alone too BUT...you must be aware of how powerful your mind is, especially while viewing it.
....end rant. Feel free to point out the holes in my argument or generally debate or have a totally opposed opinion. It won't bother me one bit!
