Interesting times. I do have some great girlfriends, but they all live out of town, so we don't have much time to get together. I have a "boyfriend" (I hate that term) and we get along very well. I'm often surprised that, so far, a relationship with him has been easy and relaxing and enjoyable. He is SO unlike my X. My X and I couldn't work together on a project without him cursing and slamming things. He's great. We work together really well. No cursing. No throwing things. Nice.
I still find myself feeling programmed. If X does this, I do this. If I do this, X acts this way. When this happens, X reacts this way. I've found it hard to reprogram myself for normal, healthy reactions.
I just think that I'm on hold for a while. It's not forever, as I tell the girls. I'm ok with that.
I'm not an expert, but I've been there. And I survived.
Yup I agree, it is time to break the cycle with the ex. Personally I think that that's sometimes why we get into these funks. Who knows you any better than your ex?
As far as boyfriend goes, I think that it sounds like a really positive relationship. He sounds as if he does all of the right things to show he cares, but your ex is still lurking overhead. At some point, (if the relationship is to move ahead) you've got some big choices to make. That could be a hard one since you and ex have been interacting this way for so long. I don't think he'll being in the back of the line.
Forget all of the jerks on the internet. You're living a REAL life and I'm glad you're happy!
Regardless of how it's changed, I know what I want. I guess I'll know him hopefully.
I feel the same way. I have girlfriends that are M to or involved with in an R that have the same taste I do. And I have great male girlfriends that treat their wives with that gentleman touch. There are times I wonder if all the good ones are off the market - or perhaps they were healthy enough to choose right the first time so they are still M.... I guess they are the first ones to go. I am hoping that there is one out there for me.
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I do have one fella out of all the ones I've talked to - one.... that has never been out of line. Not once. I have hope.
There is the flip side! LOL! A guy I dated when I was in my 20's didn't even try to kiss me till our third date! And each of the dates was a nice dinner/movie kind of date and he really treated me well - perfect gentleman. But after that second date - I was starting to wonder if I had bad breathe! LOL!
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I do have some great girlfriends, but they all live out of town, so we don't have much time to get together.
I am in the same boat. All my close girlfriends all live out of state...
I have just joined a local social/athletic meet up group. They do things ranging from theater and wine tastings to triathalons. I am hoping to expand my local social circle.
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I still find myself feeling programmed. If X does this, I do this. If I do this, X acts this way. When this happens, X reacts this way. I've found it hard to reprogram myself for normal, healthy reactions.
Towards the end of my M, things were the same way. The R had deteriorated and neither The X nor I were on our best behavior. He was hurt and did something not so great things - I reacted by being hurt and doing something not so great right back at him... Can't say that I am a better human being than The X - there were external circumstances that would have posed a challenge to any M. After living with the negativwe M dying dynamics for 2 years or so I walked on eggshells for a long time.
It does fade with time. I am 5 years post D and finally I am at a point where the intensity of the interactions at the time of my D has faded. The X is like one of my past BF's now. And I am at a point where the fond memories of my M are sticking more than the negative ones during that whole D period.
There was a time I was looking for everything that The X wasn't. Now, I can see that there were some very good reasons why I M'ed The X - and well those standards still apply to the next R.
Of course I didn't have kids with The X - so it is a little different in my case. I am not tied to The X in any way.
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I just think that I'm on hold for a while. It's not forever, as I tell the girls. I'm ok with that.
AG this fella is the same way. We've been out a dozen or so times. No attempts. However I am not ready for a serious relationship, I do like him, and figure a friendship isn't a bad thing.
Or I could be in denial.
But I see some of my friends who are sleeping with just about everyone and then upset because they're still not content.....or because they feel used.
Ummm
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Maybe this guy is just really nice. Knowing what you've been through perhaps he is waiting for you. He obviously likes you or he wouldn't have asked you out as much as he has expecially if it's not for sex.
Why is it that some people are so programed to think that either every man is out to get us or if they don't come on to us they have the problem? Personally I don't want to think like that. I think that that's a crappie way to go through life . Well, that and having nothing but old memories to pull from.
Some women are so damaged from their past R's (or egotistical) that they think any guy that so much as nods at them is hitting on them or interested in them.
For instance, I went to the grocery store today. I was trying to reach something on the upper shelf and was standing on the lower one trying to get it. A nice man came over and said "would you like a boost or can I just get that for you?" "Some" women would feel insulted by his offer of help or think he was trying to hit on her. I felt neither. I just wanted the damned box and "finally" was going to get it without killing myself.
There are good men out there but if you're not attracting them, the first thing you need to question is what vibe are you putting out that's attracting the jerks.
AG this fella is the same way. We've been out a dozen or so times. No attempts. However I am not ready for a serious relationship, I do like him, and figure a friendship isn't a bad thing.
A dozen or so times and no kiss yet - not even a peck? Of course I think a peck on the forehead is the "kiss of death" as far as romantic intentions. LOL! Has he hugged you - as in full body hug (not the I want to keep some space between us hug)? Has he tried to hold your hand yet? Why do I feel like I am 12 again!
You are definately going to have to share when this young man finally makes a move! I think may be he wants you to really want him by the time he makes him move! So he is building up the anticipation! LOL!
It must suck to be so short eh Jilly? lol orrr not! lol
agreed, and you know what I have noticed the older I get, and I am farrrr from old lol that men , younger men will help me, maybe they see their moms in me lol - They are not flirting, they are being good men, their mamas brought them up well, I would hope my S would help a woman in need if she needed it and I know he has.
Its not always flirting, or wanting to get into your pants, its just they are friendly, helpful, good natured people.
Those who take a little longer are just by nature prob more shy, careful, even thoughtful of your feelings.
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
