Regardless of how it's changed, I know what I want. I guess I'll know him hopefully.
I feel the same way. I have girlfriends that are M to or involved with in an R that have the same taste I do. And I have great male girlfriends that treat their wives with that gentleman touch. There are times I wonder if all the good ones are off the market - or perhaps they were healthy enough to choose right the first time so they are still M.... I guess they are the first ones to go. I am hoping that there is one out there for me.
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I do have one fella out of all the ones I've talked to - one.... that has never been out of line. Not once. I have hope.
There is the flip side! LOL! A guy I dated when I was in my 20's didn't even try to kiss me till our third date! And each of the dates was a nice dinner/movie kind of date and he really treated me well - perfect gentleman. But after that second date - I was starting to wonder if I had bad breathe! LOL!
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I do have some great girlfriends, but they all live out of town, so we don't have much time to get together.
I am in the same boat. All my close girlfriends all live out of state...
I have just joined a local social/athletic meet up group. They do things ranging from theater and wine tastings to triathalons. I am hoping to expand my local social circle.
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I still find myself feeling programmed. If X does this, I do this. If I do this, X acts this way. When this happens, X reacts this way. I've found it hard to reprogram myself for normal, healthy reactions.
Towards the end of my M, things were the same way. The R had deteriorated and neither The X nor I were on our best behavior. He was hurt and did something not so great things - I reacted by being hurt and doing something not so great right back at him... Can't say that I am a better human being than The X - there were external circumstances that would have posed a challenge to any M. After living with the negativwe M dying dynamics for 2 years or so I walked on eggshells for a long time.
It does fade with time. I am 5 years post D and finally I am at a point where the intensity of the interactions at the time of my D has faded. The X is like one of my past BF's now. And I am at a point where the fond memories of my M are sticking more than the negative ones during that whole D period.
There was a time I was looking for everything that The X wasn't. Now, I can see that there were some very good reasons why I M'ed The X - and well those standards still apply to the next R.
Of course I didn't have kids with The X - so it is a little different in my case. I am not tied to The X in any way.
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I just think that I'm on hold for a while. It's not forever, as I tell the girls. I'm ok with that.
