The consequences and repercussions of adultery and the destruction of the family is a huge burden to carry. And no matter how it looks from the outside -- they are all living with tremendous shame and guilt...and yes, also remorse and regret.
I know my xH has been able to express his enormous regret -- at least, in relation to what his choices and betrayals did to our son.
He has told him of how deeply he regrets all the years he missed out on -- and that he would give anything to turn back the clock. And his guilt and sadness was quite evident at the wedding last summer.
I do think he also feels that about me and our marriage too...though he has yet to find the courage to fully articulate that to me.
I believe it's b/c his guilt is so overwhelming -- and that b/c he cannot forgive himself -- he assumes I couldn't or wouldn't be able to fully forgive him either.
Ironically, my genuine kindness to him over the past 8 years has had a deep effect on him -- but it's also made him feel even more ashamed.
It seems quite biblical...heaping coals...
"BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD." Romans 12:20
Another translation...
But, "If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a drink. If you do this, you will make him feel guilty and ashamed." Romans 12:20
I also think that no one can ever truly know the consequences someone suffers for their choices that cause pain to another.
Perhaps the most excruciating consequence is that God prevents them from ever achieving their heart's desire.
So that whatever their life may "appear" to be on the surface -- no one truly knows how empty their life truly is at its core.
I once read that when we observe our xH's lives -- what appears to us to be them just "SAILING" along without consequence...
is actually them just DRIFTING! No compass, no course...just lost at sea adrift.
I personally think that is true.
While my life may seem less glamorous. I am not adrift.
