Quite honestly, I wouldn't want my spouse working in a bar. For people who don't have a super strong sense of boundries that would be waaaay too much temptation.
Has the D actually been filed or are you guys just in the early stages? Don't move out. If she's unhappy let her move out. You do not want to do anything that could affect custody. Perhaps she can move in with the guy friend. But can you make the bills on your own? If not you might want to consider looking for a more inexpensive living arrangement for you and the kids.
I know you are DBing and want to keep your marriage together and that should be your goal, but also start considering how you will be able to financially survive if reconciliation doesn't occur.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
