Trixi trying to find moorage

[Trixi]

He gets plenty of "non-buddy" time with me. Probably much too much. (at least according to the guy friends of mine who think he is cake eating to the max.)
Physically, I cannot compete with a 20 year old. I've had a kid, been WAY overweight (ie, stretch marks, saggy boobs) and now the stress of this sitch has not helped my body in the least. Since our return from Costa Rica I must have gained 5-10 pounds. My eating habits haven't changed--so I figure it's either peri-menopause or all the cortisol that is coursing thru my body because of the backwards progress we are making. What I *do* have on a 20 yo is experience, skill, desire and blatant approval for things well done. *ahem*

In our 13+ years together, he has only done that sort of thing (commenting) a handful of times. And you know, saying someone is hot or pretty isn't the issue- I consider it like looking at fine art, or nature or whatever. What really got my goat was the obvious way he was looking at her.(The "yeah..mmmm..." thing.) WTF? I am supposed to imagine him with her while he imagines himself with her? Haven't I already had to imagine him sleeping with girls "half my age? I was willing to forgive those indiscretions because I know that he thought we were headed for D and as such, wasn't "cheating".

My IC said that when he said that thing about how we were playing chess and I better make my next move a good one, I should have said "ok. Then my next move is I am moving back home."

Maybe it's time for me to say "Look you said I better make my next 'move' a good one. Here it is - I am moving back home or I am moving on."

I really wanted us to go to retro before saying something like that.

I wish his work would officially schedule Turkey for October so I could put retro back on the table.