Welcome back! Sorry W was a disappointment after getting back, but maybe it is just cold feet, and she will show you what she was hinting at recently. But it sounds like a nice trip!
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
Sara, the landscape seems bare, but I enjoyed it quite a bit. There were a lot of neolithic sites everywhere and Scotland allows public access to all land, so I did quite a bit of hiking about. After being out and about, I usually stopped somewhere for some tea or a pint, depending on the time of day. I found everyone to be quite friendly and talkative.
Karen, yes - I think we're all nicer to our estranged spouses than is probably appropriate.
Hey g - hope you had fun camping. W wasn't a disappointment, just confused/ing. I don't think she was hinting at anything, I think she just wants something - either a favor or to assuage her guilt. Who knows - I guess I'll find out tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't check to see that you were back earlier. Sometimes you do have to step away to get clarity, even from here. Just remember that there are lots of people here that care about you and are here to help you in which ever direction you choose to go.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Sorry about the distance W is keeping. That always hurts, no matter how detached. Sounds like you are pretty darn strong though. Glad you made it back safely.
Hey lodo, Welcome Back !!! I was just wondering about you. I'm headed over to check out the pics.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Had dinner with W last night. Usual good conversation. Afterwards we walked around and finally ended up at a little park where we sat and continued to talk. She told me her concern about how her sister doesn't talk at all with husband and wasn't very happy - my W suggested to her sister going to MC (?!). Then she told me about her aunt who was recently dumped by a guy because she wasn't thin and outdoorsy enough; complained about what a jerk he was and I wondered how much she herself is going to like rejoining the dating scene. W asked if I was seeing anyone and I told her I wasn't ready to date yet.
At the first pause in conversation, she started to say something, then choked a bit. Started to tear up. Then she told me she'd had a very sad night while visiting some friends of ours, remembering all the fun times we'd had together. She said she was very sorry for hurting me and cried a bit. I put my arm around her and she laid her head on my shoulder for awhile. Eventually she reached out and we held hands, but then it was as if we both realized that we shouldn't be doing this and pulled apart. Went back to the car.
Back at my house, I invited her in and we sat on my patio for another long conversation. Finally she started to go. I told her good luck on her travels in case I didn't see her. She told me she wasn't leaving for 2 more weeks, then paused and said, I guess we may not see each other. She hugged me goodbye, then remembered she needed to tell me about the appointment with the divorce judge.
At that point I felt suddenly overwhelmed with the whole thing and started to tear up. She came over and held me tight. I told her I was sorry, that I obviously wasn't over her and it was going to take some time. She squeezed me tighter and we stayed like that for awhile. Eventually we pulled apart, both feeling sad for everything that had happened, and she left.
So, there it is. I'm glad she apologized for hurting me, that she reached out to comfort me, and that she obviously still cares. But I recognize that this doesn't indicate regret at what she'd done or is doing and that she doesn't think our connection is worth pursuing. I've always thought this kind of connection was the basis of a solid marriage, but now I don't know what to believe anymore.
I feel stupid this morning for crying. I feel stupid for caring. I wish I could get angry and shut her out in order to protect myself.
The important thing is that you are a caring person who feels your emotions. That is a wonderful thing. Yes, it hurts sometimes to go through the lows, but you know better than most, that you can't have hills without valleys. So don't sweat the days in the valley, they have their nice attributes too, if you take the time to look for them.
*tears* I think that type of connection does make a solid marriage, if both parties want to. You want to. She doesn't. I'm so sorry.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Lodo, you're a great man with beautiful qualities. Your wife may feel "unworthy" of your love at this point due to all the damage she's caused. Sometimes love isn't enough. It should be, but it's not. I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish I could say or do something to make you feel better.
HUGS to you, R
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
