Role reversal...from a HD wife

[Cinco]

3) Unless you count porn, which I do. H has always looked at porn, although I can't say he was obsessed with it. But when you are not getting sex in your marriage and you know H looks at porn, it feels like an affair. Especially since he has always been secretive about it.

Hey silverado,

As a guy that finally stopped viewing porn, I can tell you that this does affect a guy and how he thinks about his wife. It all seems so innocent to the guy, "this isn't cheating", he'll tell himself. What happens though is this is a way he detaches from his wife. Instead of thinking about being with her he replaces those normal thoughts of his wife with something else.

This can even happen if you are viewing it casually as I was, it doesn't have to be taken to a level of addiction. It has an addict aspect to it though since it is hidden away and secret.

I didn't realize the harm it caused until I quit this stuff cold turkey. I threw the junk out and quit viewing i-porn. All that was left was fantasy and you know what? The fantasies now revolve around my wife. Now I think about what we did together recently or what we might do next. It makes her my focus and reinforces my connection to her.

Of course to quit, he will have to decide to do this on his own. It did help for me to stop when I knew that my wife was aware of it and voiced how much it hurts her for me to look at this stuff.

I just thought you might like a guy's perspective that used to look at porn. I think it does matter to a relationship.

Cinco