Aaron's WAW Story

[firedog31d6]

Anyway, I moved back home against her wishes 2 weeks ago because I got tired of living in my cousins bedroom. I felt that I was a grown man, who worked 2 jobs to provide a home for my family, and I have been forced to live in someone else's house for 2 months all because my estranged wife is either having a MLC, or has OM... neither of which were acceptable for me to become homeless over. When I moved back, I expected to see her move out immediately. When she didn't, I asked her what her plans were. She told me that she still had absolutely no feelings for me anymore and that she was just trying to "figure out how I'm going to do everything on my own". I then said "so then you've made up your mind, and this is what you want" meaning the big "D". She nodded "yes" and I told her "I disagree that divorce is going to make you happy, I feel that we can fix whatever has gone wrong, but I can't control you anymore and if this is what you want, then I can't do much about that". We began to talk about living arrangements and child support. She said that she would start looking for an appartment and that I would put our house on the market to sell. In the meantime, she said "we'll just have to co-exist here the best we can". I broke down and cried and asked her if I couldn't be her husband right now, if we could work on becoming friends and she said "I'll work on that".

It has been a week and a half since then and we have managed to do fine. She doesn't say much to me, and since I have started reading the BB'S I have decided to stop pursuing her and kind of "went dark" on her. It seems to be working. Unless she is doing things at her office, she doesn't seem to be in a big hurry to leave "so it seems". She is very secretive and very good at hiding things from me so she could very well be doing everything from work.

Anyway, I have decided to start some more 180's. I have stopped emailing her. I have done my best to act "as if" and "get a life". Whenever I am around her, I do my best act up-beat instead of depressed to show her that I am taking back control of my own life and will make it with or without her. It seems to be working, allthough very subtlely. The only pos. I have seen is that the other day, she made a small joke about my black eye that I got during grappling class. She came downstairs and I was eating breakfast and she said "that shinner is starting to show a little". I smerked and replied "yeah, everyone says it makes me look younger... I may just decide to keep wearing it".. She said "if you want, I can give you another one over the other eye". I chuckled and said "yeah, I tell people that you gave me this one and they all believe me".

I came home 2 nights ago from class, and sat down across the living room from her and my daughter and we watched the Packer's game. We both used to watch football together all the time. I started to coment a bit about Brett Favre and she seemed to be open for discussion about that. I made it short and then went up stairs to my office for the remainder of the evening. I have not said a word about our R since I moved back in and she mentioned she wanted a D. The other day, I left her a very quick note that said "BTW awesome job on the inside of the house. I can tell you must have spent a lot of time on it when you could have just relaxed and enjoyed your day off and I greatly appreciate that." I drew a smiley face with a "black eye" on it and a big LOL next to it. She had apparently spent her entire Sunday cleaning while I was on shift at the fire station. When I came home the next morning, the house was cleaner than I had ever seen it before.

I got nervous about the note because so far through our separation, she looks at every gesture as nothing more than a weak attempt to pursue her... she told me that all the things I have said to get her back were said with an ulterior-motive and that I just wanted to tell her what she wanted to hear. So I have been very hesitant to do much at all because I don't want her to think that I'm pursuing her anymore. On the other hand, I feel that if I go totally dark, I may be sending a message to her that I am finished with her and she'll reciprocate...

I have ordered both books of Michelle's and have scheduled my first coaching session for tomorrow. I am open to any help/advice from you vet's out there who know what I'm going through. Thanks for your input.

Aaron