Role reversal...from a HD wife

[Bagheera]

Thanks for the details, Silverado; it will help anyone trying to give you advice here.

I guess my next question would be: how do you feel right now (beyond sexual frustration), and how is this reflected in how you treat your spouse?

I'm asking this because the most difficult, but most important step that we ALL have to take in repairing a long-term SSM is to get beyond our own anger, resentment, and bitterness, in order to actually work at solving the problem. For example, if your husband sees you as "that angry woman who nags at me all the time," then he's not likely to want to change anything -- he'll dig in his heels instead. Getting beyond all that old baggage usually takes months of dedicated Get-A-Life (GAL) work: Learning to be less dependent upon HIM for your happiness, and learning to find your own happiness within yourself. The results are very much worth the effort, and, I think, necessary. Much of this process is one of taking an indirect approach toward reaching your goals; that is, the best way to get him to change, is to change YOURSELF.

Perhaps you're already there, and ready for the next steps. At the least, I hope you don't have to go through what I did to get beyond my bitterness --> six months spent alone through a long, upstate New York winter (my MLC "hermit phase"). I even grew a beard...but did not pick up a bear as a pet.

We're here for you,

-- B.