For the Guy with Kids and a WW 9

[hopeful4her]

Thank you to my friends for ministering to me.

I DO think too much. I put too much thought into things that I shouldn't be. My sitch, GBG, who I want to hang with, loneliness, being rejected...

Everthing but me.

I know I have to spend some time with and for myself. As I was posting yesterday, I could just feel the stuff starting to come out. I depressd myself. The things that I'm FORCING myself to do. Being dark with GBG, detaching from her. Things that, in my heart, I really don't want to be doing, but feel like I have to.

And I DON'T let her see me in a sad state or mopey. Hell no. She only sees me being quiet and strong. At least aloof. I have to try to be nice, too. Of all things, THAT is kind of hard right now. Who woulda thunk it.

You know, on Sunday when I picked up the girls, she was being really nice to me. Trying to talk more. She told me about how she found a huge trash bag full of decorative pillow. She showed them to me. Animal print, her favorite. Perfect condition. Like 8 of them. Big ones. She was going to rewash them all. I told her to take them to the laundry mat. She told how it made her remember how her and her mom used to look in dumpsters as a child, also. She also started to tell me about a client that was moving from a house to an apartment and invited her to go see if she wanted anything before she donated it. GBG told me she was going to go look and see if she finds anything and that she would look for me too, if I wanted. I told her about our plans for the day, too. I had been invited to a soft opening of a clients new Mexican restaurant. Free food and drink for me and guests.

We both agreed that free is good these days. It felt really nice. Then later, all hell broke loose and the day got all jacked up.

What is also hard is that my circle of friends, single friends, is comprised mostly of ladies.

When I think about it, that's odd.

I HAVE been feeling pretty strong, lately. I think you guys have seen it.

I have only entertained the idea of hanging around B. I'm really not looking for romance, and I keep thinking that I read too much into her calls.

But I will keep a distance.

The good Lord knows that I've been strong this far, I can maintain and keep it going. I am NOT GBG. It's the best thing for me and for my girlies, anyway.

Thanks people. Really. You guys have really helped me. I know it is hard to see others heartache.

And all you can do is write. I go through the same thing.

And thank you CBK. You came at the right time, brother. You popped up outta no where.




I was a little grouchy last night when I home. Got on the girls about picking up after themselves. Got doing going and we sat to eat. Again, they loved it. Decided to go to Best Buy to get me a new cell. People were starting to make fun of my old one. I plan on keeping Sprint, so, free phone is good. The Rumor. I feel like such a techie. To Target afterwards for D11. She wanted to enter some giveaway for the Jonas Brothers. She just knows she is going to win. Bless her heart. Got her some new earphones for her cd player. On to grocery store for some more fruit and dog food. Inside, GBG calls her. She is just getting to the store too.

It was about 9:30, so I guess she wasn't planning on getting me their things. Again.

Strange thing is that she didn't ask to meet. To see them. She talked to D11 for a few minutes. Told her she would see her tomorrow.

I mean, that was really odd. She COULD have been with OM, but I doubt it. S14 was at the apartment. As we left, we spotted her Rodeo outside. D11 called her back to let her know we were leaving. I told D11 to tell her that we were going to the video store in the adjacent parking lot. Again, no offer to see them???

Home and off to bed. Mulling around my bedroom, my phone rings. Its her. I have to say hello several times. I hear commotion.
"Hello?"
"Hi."
"Did I accidentally call you? I must have pressed the button bringing in the groceries. Or did you call me?"
"Uh, you called me."
"Sorry."
"Its alright."
"The girls? They ok?"
"Yeah, they're in bed already."
"oh."
"How do want to do Miguel tomorrow?"
"I'll take him after. You get off work before I usually do, and I still haven't made an extra key."
"Ok then..."
A little pause.
"Then I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye."

Now this time, D6 sneaks back to my room. I tell her she needs to get to bed.

"I miss mommy."
"I know honey. It's ok to miss mommy. Just like you miss me when you're at her apartment. I know it's hard. We have to get used to it. It'll get better."
I put her on my back and to bed.

This morning, I find her asleep on the sofa.

I reckon I'll make a larger dinner tonight just in case I invite her to stay. Looks like chicken again tonight. I bought this huge pack of chicken thighs and a huge pack of breasts on sale for .99 a pound last weekend. I froze it all, so now I have to defrost a whole stupid pack and cook it all. Like 10 pieces each. I'll save the breasts for a cookout, I guess.

I'm learning.