H deep in A & MLC, need support 4 roller coaster!

[Dawn of Hope]

(I hate to shop. I'm not even that fond of chocolate. Yes, I really do have the double-X chromosomes.)

Dawn, I have to say that of all that I read in your original post, this stood out the most because I too don't really like chocolate that much!!!!

Seriously, though, I can't believe how much alike our situations are.

My H is still at home, still sleeps in the same bed, still resents me and says it's all my fault, and still is seeing ow. We, too, will have long conversations where little or nothing is really resolved, because of that major point---ow contact.

He also whines about money, and buys ow flowers, and gold necklaces.

VC,
Thanks so much for stopping in and reading and posting on my thread! I really appreciate it!

Wow, we really do seem to have similar situations! I haven't come across your name before in my travels around this board (mainly here in MLC); do you have a current thread? I can hardly believe that your H is still in this position and hasn't moved either forward or backward or OUT of the house after two years or so!! It seems like most people on this board experience living separately, even those who eventually get back together, and it seems especially rare for the spouses to continue sharing a bed (without sharing anything else while occupying said item of furniture). The whole "gotta run away" MLC thing, I guess. Which makes me kinda wonder what it means when they're still living with us LBSs (AND sleeping in the same bed!) after a period of time measured in *years*! Does that mean there's more hope for us, or that our H's are cowards, or what?? I don't spend a lot of time on it, but I do wonder.

HOW have you managed to deal with living with your H, sleeping in the same bed, seeing him on a daily basis, knowing that *in his mind* OW is wonderful and you are nothing but pond scum and an obstacle to his happiness--for all this time?? What has helped you to hang in there and continue DBing and not give up, even with the torture of living with him and getting kicked emotionally every day? (Not trying to make too many assumptions about your life or sitch...mainly referring to my own.) I mean, for example, several posters have talked about always looking good when expecting to see spouse, but that's hard to do when you're actually living with them and they see you getting up with bed-head and no makeup and so on. When you love each other and things are going well between you, that sort of thing doesn't faze you, but if someone is unhappy and looking for flaws in you, they are easier to find if you're still living together.

My H did say last week, during our R talk but unprompted by me, "I'm not proud of everything I've done in our M," which may be the first time since this all began that he has admitted to the *least* bit of guilt or remorse, but this was immediately followed by, "but..." with more defensiveness and excuses and accusations of my failings. Sigh. Trying to let it all roll off my back.

It's very doubtful that your H's ow was REALLY a virgin until they met, and then turned into a slut overnight.
I can't imagine it could possibly last, it seems so bizarre to me, built upon a fantasy game, that has actually been featured on CSI.

Yeah, I've wondered about that supposed virginity thing myself, although in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter much. It does make me wonder what kind of woman would "save herself" for a man twice her age who is still married and living with his W! Seems totally INSANE to me, not to mention just plain wrong!! I did see some e-mails (when he accidentally left his e-mail open about two months ago, and I wasn't quite good enough to resist the temptation to snoop...although he did catch me) something that indicated to me that even if she wasn't a virgin, she has him convinced that she was. I don't even want to think about the fact that it's generally not THAT difficult to tell if a woman is a virgin or not on close examination. NO, I'm not going there. STOPPIT! Topic change....

Yes, it is difficult to believe that it will last, but I had read that these A's generally don't last more than about six months, and we're at a year now, and I'm waiting...and waiting...I don't know how much effect it has on timeframe when the R with OP is primarily through phone, tm and e-mail, etc., and they only meet in person every couple of weekends or so.

Also, I can be quite long-winded when I write, and I have wondered fleetingly about Lorena Bobbit's method of spouse management!!

Just make sure you are buckled in for this wild and crazy stinkin' ride.

L

Hey, *I* certainly don't mind long-winded, although I think it is off-putting to some people. The only problem I have there is that I'm spending WAY too much time on this board!

Good ol' Lorena...she's my hero! I looked her up on Wikipedia, and it was interesting. I don't think I would have had second thoughts and called 911 afterwards, the way she did. I'm not exactly the impulsive type (H used to joke about me: "Spontaneous? Dawn can do that...how's Thursday for that spontaneity, Dawn?), so if I did something like that, I don't think I would try to remedy it afterwards. And I would have taken the *certain body part* away and maybe fed it to crocodiles or had it bronzed to be SURE it could never be reattached. To my knowledge, they haven't yet developed prosthetic genitalia!

Well, it's 5 a.m. and once again I have whiled away the night reading these boards. I gotta stop doing this.

Thanks again for stopping by, and I welcome all comments!

Peace,
Dawn