Letting God Take Control Part 16

[Dawn of Hope]

Dawn thank you so much. I have been enlightened. I love that complete confidence line. I am going to use that. My h would say over and over did I ask for your help or advice. I just seem to give it without thinking.

I so need to learn. Thank you all so much. I am so going to try these new tactics. Wow I sound like it's war.

Good advice!

Glam,
You are very welcome! It is my observation that women are more willing to accept, or at least consider, unsolicited advice than are men. This is not intended to be a slam on men...just my observation, although it is true that there is some "official" support for that view.

Men, according to what I read, feel disparaged by unsolicited advice because they interpret it as--the advisor doesn't think the advisee is smart enough (or insightful enough, or whatever) to figure things out on his own. That's why they get mad when a woman makes suggestions, the way women do to each other every day with no offense being taken--a man will believe she is thinly disguising the "fact" that she doesn't think he's very capable. Hey, if that were my interpretation of something that was said to me, I'd get mad too!

If you have been in the habit of blurting out whatever opinion/advice enters your head, curbing your tongue is going to take some concentrated effort and practice, but eventually you will learn to think before you speak. You have been at this at least two years, so hopefully this will just be another thing to work on controlling in yourself around your H.

Oh, another thing I should mention--using the "complete confidence" line tends to shut down the complaints (on that topic, anyway) instantaneously, although they may well recur at some later date. If you are getting information you find useful from whatever H is saying, you would probably want to just listen and validate until it starts getting repetitive or somehow beyond what you want to listen to, and then use the "complete confidence" line.

I don't claim that this is a perfect solution, but I hope it helps!

Peace,
Dawn

P.S. PH, sorry for the thread-jack!