Onward but not so Upward right now

[mishka422]

You're right. I'm feeling pretty good about it today.

I don't think I mentioned it yesterday but last night, on our way home from karate, I asked my son if he wanted to stay with his dad this weekend. He told me that he didn't think he wanted to this time. Whoa! After he said he had such a great time and now he doesn't want to go there? I wonder if it's because he came back from there sick as a dog for two days. Hmmmmmm.....

I had something of a sick thought when he did come home and was so horribly sick. I actually wondered if the broom poisoned his food. How awful is that? I know it isn't the case but that was seriously the thought I kept having.

We'll see if he changes his mind the closer to the weekend it gets.

I haven't heard from my L yet regarding the revisions I requested. I wonder if I'll hear from her later today. I actually hope so. I just want all of this over with so I can feel totally free.

[MichelleLT]

I'm sure they just fed him crappy food or he picked up something from school.

GL with the L stuff. Hope that moves soon.

Have a great evening!

(((Mishka)))

[karen43]

He is so smug about his new life being so great. He has no responsibilities, the broom apparently is "so great" and "not a bad person at all". Whatever. I get so mad just thinking about it.

My H was really happy for a day or 2 when he moved out, but I haven't seen him that happy since. I think at some point the honeymoon phase ends and he'll realize she's not that great when she starts showing flaws. And of course your H will show his too. Well, they have about a 10% chance of lasting and that's not very good odds of course...Karen

[mishka422]

I feel a little bad that I wish for all sorts of evil things for him and the broom. Notice.....I said a little bad.

[Kalni]

Just stopping by to let you know i am thinking of you
K

[mishka422]

Thanks K!

I have a question about boundaries I'm hoping some of you wise people may be able to help me with.

Monday H had asked if s13 needed to be picked up from football practice (via text because that is the only way he does anything). I told him then that I was picking him up and taking him to karate that night but he could pick him up Tuesday after practice because I had a parent's meeting I needed to be at for football. He said that he would and thanked me again - whatever. Now, since nothing else was discussed I was under the impression that he understood it was just a ride from practice home with a drop off. I saw him for a second in the parking lot at football yesterday - we were passing in our cars - I rolled down the window and told him that s13 was in the locker room and would be out in a few minutes and then I had to move before the other cars ran me down!!

I made sure to leave the meeting with plenty of time to get home and pick up s13 for karate. I called s13 to tell him to meet me outside but he didn't answer. I called my mom then and she said that he and his dad were in his room. His dad? Excuse me? Why was he in my house? He was just supposed to drop s13 off as far as I was concerned. He apparently thought that picking him up included staying with him between activities, helping him do the dishes and put them away, getting him to clean his room with much barking from STBX at him, trying to trim the dog's nails, and then taking s13 to karate. WTF????

I will admit, I was not specific in what he was to do with him when he picked him up. I was fine with him taking him to karate as it gave me time for exercise and to make some dinner but I was not fine with him just coming in and making like this is still his home. He didn't take anything or do anything that could be construed as being "over the line" with regards to our son or the house. It just aggravates me that he would come in and do all of these things without my permission. I don't want him to get defensive by telling him he is not welcome in the house but I need to have a boundary here.

How do I approach this?

Sorry this is so long but I was thinking you might need everything that transpired so that you can tell me where I need to communicate my plans better and what I might want to let slide.

Thanks!!!!

[mishka422]

^bump^

Anyone have any advice? Suggestions?

[bright_new_day]

^bump^

Anyone have any advice? Suggestions?

I would make sure that next time you are very clear as to your expectations. As far as what happened, you can't change it so you have to decide what to say about it. Is he likely to get asngry or hostile? In my case, I have learned to let things slide that I cannot change or control, as long as they are not extreme violations of our agreement or causing actual harm. It is just not worth the stress and harassment I will face trying to deal with my unreasonable ex.

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((((Mishka))))))))

That's a tough one. From his point of view it is going to be really hard for him to see how he did anything wrong. He picked S13 up, spent time with him, and took him to karate. To him, that's going to sound like he was being a parent.

If you don't want him to come in the house, then you'll have to tell him that. But, would you rather have him with S there, or somewhere else? I know it is a mess!

[mishka422]

total mess! I feel awkward about it. On one hand I want him to understand that even though he was going things with our son, my home is my home. He left it and he can't treat my house as if he belongs there anymore. I have to set some boundaries with him but I also don't want to alienate him or make him feel like I resent him helping our son with things.

Tricky situation.