Need Advice Please!

[twinhope]

TwinDad,

Thanks for replying! The talk happened in Nov.07 when he said that we never go out, never get a sitter for the girls, don't show him any affection, we don't kiss anymore. He lumped these complaints in with hating his job, his family issues etc. At first I thought he was depressed. I attempted to change and it was not fast enough for him. He was upset with himself b/c he was having thoughts of talking to other women but there was no OW.

We saw a C that really was not good and at that point he said that he was not sure he if he wants to fix our M. He could not commit to that. We continued on and he left the house at the end of Jan. after a fight that we had. He said that he thought things were real bad for us fighting, yelling, etc. He just needed to take a breath as he said.

I was able to get him to another C and I see the same one but he has not wanted to commit to fixing our M. He did not think that I was sincere with my changes and thought that if he returned that things would go back to the way they were. He returned home after Easter and we went on a family vacation to Florida with my parents things seemed to be getting better. He started a new job.

In the beginning of May he started hanging out frequently with a friend who is 23 recently divorced and he has a son. His friend invited him to a NASCAR race and H went and said he would be out all night. Never heard from him and I was upset. It provoked an argument and that was it for him. He said that in order to save anything that we needed to separate. We agreed to go out on dates, see each other, etc. None of that has happened since he left. He had met a new "friend" at work who is 21 and going thru a D. They have been leaning on each other and he claims there is nothing going on. I am just letting him be not addressing any of this with him. Not giving him any reason to use me as the reason for his anger, leaving, etc. He keeps saying that state law gives us a year so we do not make any bad decisions. That's great if you want to fix it!

I have made mistakes. I did not put my H first and I am real sorry for that. I have accepted responsibility and told him so. I think he thinks I am just trying to get him to bite and is not sure if I mean what I say. He thinks I talk the talk but don't walk the walk. I believe he is scared to put himself out there again and the 21yr old is making him feel young again. He had big issues turning 30 in June. He has always shown me love by doing these big events for birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I thought I was showing him love by telling him so, thanking him, showing appreciation. We speak 2 different love languages and b/c I never took the lead and planned events that I did not love him. Communication is our problem and I am done trying to convince him.

I texted him tonight asking him if he would like to join the girls and I this Friday for smore's at our fire pit. No response, I am sure it will be a no. He does not want to lead me on. This is the 1st time in 3 mos. that I have asked him to do anything. I don't know if it was a good move. Our 6yr anniv. is coming up in Sept and I don't know what to do there. It was b/c of last anniv. I dropped the ball and did not plan anything which is what I think pushed him over the edge. I have hope, I feel in my heart he still loves me! I wish he would listen to his heart!