Chapter 28 - Emergencies and winnings

[Toomanywords]

Things are moving on up. I haven't broken up with BF but I'm fed up with his bull and it's put up or shut up because I've got better things to do with my time and energy than deal with him I deserve more, I deserve better!
Here's what one of our mutual friends wrote last week when I was sharing my feelings about the conversation I was having with the other ladies on the trip:

Well, sweetie, I have been telling you that for some time now. YOU DESERVE to be with someone that makes you happy, that does little things out of the blue just because they are thinking about you and want to see you smile. Want to build a future for you both, work and strive together for the wonderful things in life. Someone that wants to hear how your day was as much as they want to tell you about theirs. Someone that thinks about you during the middle of the day and wonders "what are they doing right now", and cant wait to get home just to be together.
You know as well as anyone around you that BF is not that person, I am sorry, but you know it is true. As much as you love him, you get NOTHING in return. It is the hard fact of life, but you need to be the one that decides if you are going to put up with it, or not. I asked him last night how it was being there alone, all he said was it was nice and quiet and he had the whole bed to himself. Not, its weird with Ang not here, or I miss here being here, or anything. He then started telling me his brother is going to Florida with him and how they are
gonna do this and that when they get there, go to Ft. Lauderdale and stuff. Honestly, I do not even think he realizes he is in a
relationship. You once told me you felt like roomates, and you know something, you are. Those ladies you talked about did something to make the change and make themselves happy. As you said, the one did not want to be supporting a man, being a caretaker for him, being miserable for the rest of her life, so she did something about it. Look honey, I hate so much to be the one to say these things to you, I care a lot about
BF, he is my friend, but I do not condone the things he does, nor the way he does you. It is a hard position to be in for me, but you know, I care about you too, and want to see you happy. All BF cares about right now is going to Florida, and to hear him talk about it is like hearing someone talking about going and having a blast, not one word about the responsibility, the work, the learning, NADA! He talks like it is going to be fun, fun, fun. The bottom line is he has not grown up. we were talking and his brother said, Mom's cooking dinner and wants to know when you are coming over so she can make your favorite. Then he was saying how when we got back from the cabin, she
cooked for him and stuff. I looked right at him and said "Wow, it must be nice to be so spoiled" he just giggled and said yes it is, then I looked at him and said "how old are you anyway". If BF was not with you, his mother would be doing him the same way. Sad, very sad.

Anyway, you have heard this stuff before, I was going to erase the email, but decided to send it anyway. You know I am always here, we are good friends and I want to see you happy no matter what you decide to do, I am here for you.






I love my friends I just wanted to share that empowerment.
But no, I haven't kicked him out or broken up with him (sorry to some of you out there). But he definately knows that a change blew back into town with me

It didn't help matters that when I came home Thursday I got home and relaxed. Then BF came home. My car was towed. Ended up being the fuel pump.
Seriously - I bought this car - a 2005 Dodge Stratus - used in 2005. It had 12,000 miles on it. Since I've had it, in 3 years I/We've had to replace the fuel pump, the rotors, the brakes, the spark plugs, the spark plug wires. I need tirods and ball joints. What the heck!?!??

Anyway. I just lounged all weekend. I took it easy, watched TV and vegged. BF's mom and I went to the store and she purchased him a pay as you go cell phone in case of emergencies. He's back to work with his old employer That means unsteady work Like today.
I called and yelled at BF because he wasn't doing anything and hadn't done anything all day. I told him - he's home, I'm working overtime to make up some of the money that's not coming in else were and the VERY least that he can do is figure out dinner. I told him - when I work OT I leave the house at 7am and I don't get home until after 7pm and I'm on the phone all day answering every question under the sun about military pay and our online pay system and billions of other questions that aren't even about pay or even related to my specific job.

Needless to say dinner was done when I came home Something go through that thick skull.

I guess I'm using DB a bit. I'm doing a 180. I'm not giving in, I'm not backing down. I just care about me (and my dog and cat )





Anyways that's my venting/post/update

Mom and her husband are doing well. She told her H off this weekend too Like mother like daughter She's doing so much more than she's supposed to, but no one can come out to her on a regular basis since she's so far away from everyone. So hopefully they find a house and we can move them soon. Moving in the winter is my least favorite time to move.




I'm finding myself in someways drawn to talk about my D and my XH and it really sucks this time of year. Saturday would have been our 6 year anniversary. Exactly 1 week later is the 3 year anniversary of our divorce. How wierd. At least the D wasn't on our wedding anniversary, although then it would just be 1 day to get over. This year more than the previous 2 the date has just been brought up and situations have come up were the natural conversation leads to talking about it. Blah! I better make some sort of plans for Saturday that don't involve a calender or referencing the date.