Where do I go from here? pt. 2

[cagzmom]

Cagz,

I'm still struggling daily with the No Expectations thing. I know I'm still struggling with denial, too.

How are you doing?

T

T - me? Doing. That is the way I put it these days. I have watched my son and my duaghter walk through this no expectation thing and htey are doing amazing. I am trying to follow suit. IT IS HARD.

The denial..ahh yes that one is so hard. Part of those dog gone stages of greiving.. I am sorry. I think some days I go back and forth there. I think with my D being final I am going through the greif and stuff again. I hate it. It is so hard!! I am sorry for you my friend.

My sister puts it pretty blunt to me..and it helps. YES I am like you -- still dream and hope that xh will go WHAT HAVE I DONE -- but see here is where we have to move to my friend. You and me. WE HAVE TO KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON. I think both of our men are very very far away....and my friend if we stay stuck in hurt land we are just going to be so very very sad for a very very long time.

i have been blessed recently to hook up with a friend of my moms. She is 60 years of age- her husband left 18 years ago- he was a pastor. Anyway - she has shared so much with me about her own experience adn it has been WONDERFUL. Recently we were talking about the hurt and stuff. NEVER she EVER make me feel low or wierd for where I am in this....NEVER. But this day she chose to tell me about a friend of hers who was divorced and had been for many years. She is still alone, and her xh is still gone. She is still driving by his place adn doing the things that dont bring HER HAPPINESS. That email really really helped me.

Why did it help? Because she too (like you and me and so many on this board) believed that God could heal her marriage. ANd she struggled with everything that we have struggled with and will struggle with. BUT GOD has done SUCH FANTASTIC THINGS with her life since she has let him. She hasn't stayed in that place that I think I could so easily get stuck in. AND the other lady...see she is still stuck.

I am NOT saying that standing isn't right. BECAUSE you KNOW that I believe in it. BUT I DO KNOW that allowing ourselves to get STUCK and not grow- and not let go of the bitterness. IT doesn't help US! YOU AND ME T!! WE DESERVE TO have peace! We DESERVE to be happy. TRUE HAPPINESS>

Her xh left 18 years ago. He married the ow...and you know what he STILL hasn't gotten on his knees. I MEAN THS GUY was a PASTOR!! He was annoited by God and WALKED AWAY. And my friend? She has been so very very blessed. So see....you and me we have to move forward.

I want the best for you...sorry to get on my soap box. =)