Right at the end of my EA, H said he wanted to work on the R and he started doing all the things he thought i wanted. At first, i was really polite and thanked him cause i saw the effort. I didn't want him to feel bad because i didn't want whatever it was at the time. All i did was encourage that. He had no way of knowing that i didn't want it.
She told you that she wants you to stop being so sweet(basically). Part of it is exactly what sandi said, she knows why you are doing it. Even if you don't think there is a reason, she thinks she knows why... try to tell her she's wrong... not going to go well, so you just have to go with it. For me, part of the reason was also guilt. here he was trying to do nice things and i didn't want anything to do with him. It made me feel more confused and worse about what i had done/was doing. I didn't want him to be nice, honestly at the time, i wanted him gone, i wanted space so i could figure things out. Unfortunately, i didn't tell him. He eventually stopped cause he was really doing it to get me back rather than because he wanted to...
Codependancy is a pain in the a$$. It's like you know what they say shouldn't matter so much, but at the same time, it does. I'm working on that now too.
Quote:
Originally Posted By: Neilh23
ok. back to struggling. my title....reason to believe. what are my reasons to believe? does she still love me? i think so. does she like what she's seen of the new Neil? i think so. Do i have a lot to offer my W now? Yes. DOes she know this? I think so.
then why do i feel like chit and want to give up and move on with someone else?
Neil, read your four questions. "she" . . . "she" . . . "my W" . . . "she" . . .
Hey how about... Do i like the new neil? Can I be the H I want to be now? Am I doing everything I can to make me a happier man?
trust me, half my issues with my H revolve around his insecurity... if he was even half as confident in himself as i am in him, we probably wouldn't be where we are at... Be confident that you deserve to be happy. Be confident that you are a good guy. Be confident in yourself. You don't have to tell her you are confident, you won't have to wonder if she knows that you are more confident... if you are, she'll see it. Confidence is sexy!
hang in there... this is just another bump in the road, not you starting from scratch!
ann
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
