The Bumpy Road to Recovery #2

[Bagheera]

Again, in principle, I know this is what she wants. Even now, I have blanket permission to 'take' her when I like (within common sense).

In this paragraph, you seem to be talking about sex. But I was talking about the making out, the kisses, the groping.


In my relationship, no, he does not have the right to take me for sex, he has to still check with me, seduce me, etc. But to grope me, kiss me, get some straight up making out time...that is what he has the right, too.

Perhaps I had better explain, else I seem like a Neanderthal.

The permission that I have to take my wife sexually when I choose -- within common sense, and with a specific safe-word just for initiation in place -- was my wife's idea. It fits in well with her sexually submissive nature, but more importantly, it was a very clever way for her to get us out of the old 'sexual rejection cycle' that plagued us for so long. She hated rejecting me as much as I hated the rejections. The pattern hurt both of us.

For the first several months of our recovery process, I laid the groundwork for a healthy sexual relationship. Her needs were being tended to -- she felt truly respected, cared for, and cherished by me for the first in years. We had repaired much of our close friendship and emotional connection. I had relearned how to court and romance my wife again. The problem of initiating sex remained, however, as I've described in my first thread here --> I wasn't being confident, seductive, and 'manly' enough to tip the scales and tumble her into bed.

So my wife turned the arrangement on its head. We talked about it (at length) and in a wonderful display of TRUST, she essentially turned complete control of our sex life over to me. I can literally 'take' her when I like --> no asking and therefore no rejections. HOWEVER, with such a privilege comes responsibility. I don't abuse the privilege, and her enjoyment remains just as important to me (if not more) as my own. I do my best to choose times that we BOTH can really get into it and and have fun.

As I mentioned above, I'm not perfect, and do make the occasional misread of her responsiveness, but she's pretty forgiving and we both learn from it. So far, this new dynamic is working well for us, despite summer vacation setbacks.

I wouldn't recommend this arrangement for everyone. It's simply what suits us as a couple, given our particular circumstances.

Take care,

-- B.