For the Guy with Kids and a WW 9

[Sugar and Spice]

((((H4H))))

I know you guys care. You really do.

We do care, thats why we are telling you the stuff that we do.

My third is the thought of being alone. I NEVER go to a restaurant alone. I have NEVER gone to the movies by myself. Never gone to a bar alone. Never gone to a club alone. Never gone to a social function alone.

Until this happened, I did the same thing. I NEVER went anywhere like that by myself, but now I do and its not that bad. You may hate it, but give it a try. Start small. Go have dinner by yourself. Go to a movie by yourself. Go hang out somewhere, just for a little while, by yourself. You can do it.

GBG has now played on all three of my numbing fears.

Of course she does, on purpose and without even meaning to.

I DO love my wife. I am forcing myself to get along without her. I was feeling strong about myself.

In my life here, I am constantly being told to move on. Explore. 'Hey, she's cute.' 'I don't know why you never got with her.' Hey, y'all would be cute.'

I mean constant. And then there are the ladies that are always contacting. For a guy with extremly low self esteem, the temptations are.......well, you can see how I react.

I keep seeing GBG moving farther away, and I'm the one stuck on the treadmill. Never getting any closer to the goal.

I don't show her what I'm feeling. She is ASSUMING how bad I'm taking it. I didn't say that I called her on it.
"Do you think that I'm just sitting at home looking at the pictures on my phone. Please."

I asked for the pictures because I AM afraid she is going to get rid of them. I want them for the kids. She took EVERY picture of us. Not one left in the house.

I'm in a freakin' constant state of confusion. I am in turmoil within myself. I have to CONVINCE myself to detach. I don't want to. I HAVE to. My heart is broken. I'm trying to put it back together. Protecting myself from her.

GBG was the one that I would die for.

And she is killing me slowly.

We can all symathize with you and how you feel. This is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do in your life. I don't remember who's thread it was on, but someone said this is a Hero's gig. Fighting for you marriage is no job for sissies. Its normal to be scared, its normal to get discouraged, but you have to press on. You HAVE to protect yourself. Detaching is for you, not for her. GBG may still be the one you would die for, but for right now she is not the woman you married. She could be that woman again, but she is going to have to go through this her way. She is going to have to find her way back to herself, her way. You can't let her kill you, you are too strong and have to be there for your girls. Stay strong and we're here for you.