IC2, is this the IC? How have you been? You were reaching what seemed like a good recovery stage in your relationship when the board upheaval struck. I hope I'm not hitting on a touchy subject, but weren't you fighting cancer? You and Miss IC were two of my favorite posters. You and DQ should get together and compare notes on your sexual exploits LOL. An update on how you and Miss IC are doing would be nice if you have time.
DQ, Ok, not much to update on. Back around the first of the month, I had posted that the wife had come in early one morning and tried initiating sex but it was one of the mornings that I had to be up and on time for work. She was very playful and fun that whole day and had a repeat performance the following morning which you told me would have been a perfect opportunity to give my ultimatum letter/talk. Unfortunately, I didn't read your post until afterwards. This past week or so has been pretty much back to the same old thing of the past year - nothing. Except there has been more passing, playful touching and teasing since, but that is as far as it's gone.
One thing that we do have going for us that I have read on other's threads is that when we do have sex after an extended time of NOT having it, we are able to pick right back up without having an awkward transition period. Things pick right back up as being good only to cease after a short time.
Dang! Lunch 1/2 hours don't seem as long as they used to be. Gotta go.
OK Lost, so you are back at square one basically, but she is slightly more playful. That really doesn't mean much though, I hate to be a downer. She probably was feeling guilty and worrying that you were about to drop a bomb or something and that is why the sex came about. I know that is so hard to hear because that is exactly the kind of sex you don't want. But...you are going to have to get yourself prepared to be able to stand your ground and get your own needs met. I don't mean by cheating, I mean by refusing to accept "pity sex" or any other type of sex other than full on happy participation sex. And that means, it happens more than once every 6 months!
It is a good sign that you don't have an awkward transition after sex, but still, don't let that fool you into being complacent about it again.
So...you are still at the same place...you need to get a letter composed, get the courage rounded up, make a date, send the kids away for a weekend (or at least over night, if at all possible), tell her "we have to discuss something very important", and then drop the bomb (letter) and see what happens. You just have to wait until you are truly ready to leave without her committment. I know it is so hard to get to that point (read Cinco's thread, he is only just now getting there) but really, if I had to do my whole sitch over again with my marriage, I would have faced that fear so much sooner, so that we could SOONER either get it fixed or get moved on. The longer you wait, even while you are telling yourself "its for the kids" or whatever, but the longer you wait the worse it will all hurt.
I hope that at a minimum your anger has subsided due to getting some sex? So that you can have a more clear, calm discussion when the time comes?
Yes, this the IC. LOL. I didn't know that anyone would remember me. Miss IC and I are doing well. The relationship has never been stronger and she's basically wearing me out. LOL (Not that I'm complaining) No, you are not hitting on a touchy subject....I had the bone cancer in my leg, went through the chemo and a bone graft sugery after they removed a section of my femur. Later another tumor showed up on my lung and I'm dealing with that now. A second surgery coming up in about a month to remove that along with part of my lung. Taking me out of this world bit by bit ain't they? LOL! I'll be fine, but thanks for asking.
OK...I've got to disagree a bit here with DQ on the ultimatum. I agree that it has to come, but I don't agree that now is the time and here is why: Lost, I get the feeling that you are real close to where I was about a 1 1/2 years ago and judging by that and what I'm getting from your posts...I think you need to do some more work on yourself. I know that if I had presented an ultimatum to Miss IC at that time, she would have been gone. Find yourself first...find what makes Lost happy (besides sex)and do it. Go back and look up some of Corri's posts from about a year ago to get the gist of what I am saying...she put me through the wringers when I first came on here about not relying on others (your wife) to truly find happiness within yourself. I sense a lot of bitterness on your part and rightfully so BUT what is that doing to her? Would you want to jump in bed with someone that is bitter? Or would a confident, happy with himself 'Lost' be a more attractive offering to her? Make yourself that attractive, confident guy that she'll 'want' to be with instead of giving her the ultimatum and the possible chance to get away from the bitterness that seems to be present.
Are you doing the "No more Mr. Nice guy" book? AND excercises? The web-site is ok...I found a lot of the guys were on there as posers and dick measurers but once you get past those guys, there is some good stuff on those forums. DO THE EXERCISES IN THE BOOK!!!!
I think an ultimatum right now would give her an easier opportunity to walk with not all that many reasons to stay and work on the relationship. A relationship that I feel you are not quite prepared to lose.
Just my 2 cents.
BTW...DQ, The "Corri" that I mentioned above is the one you kind of remind me of in your writings and what you bring to the table. I have the utmost repect for her so....do the math
-IC
"you can't see what you can't see until you visit ftio.com"
IC, Before you left the boards, you seemed to be having some success in your relationship. What did you do different that you were not doing before?
Lost, I don't post a whole lot on here these days but what I've read of Dance Queen and how she describes what and how her boy friend approaches things...read it...all of it. THAT in a nutshell is basically what I did different that I wasn't doing before. This guy that I became has always been a part of me, but somewhere...caught up in all the routine of life, he got buried.
Lost, let me ask you a question. Instead of you asking me what I did different...let me ask you what YOU have / are doing different than what you did when you and the Mrs. Lost first got together?
I think it was Dance Queen hitting at this with Baggy, but I think it might do you well to try it as well....when is the last time you just walked up to Mrs. Lost, grab her by the ass and pulled her close...planted a deep, intimate kiss on her and then just walk away...off to work, without saying a word? Try it...see what happens.
Ok, gotta go.
-IC
"you can't see what you can't see until you visit ftio.com"
