2 years ago I get the bomb I love you but I aint gonna fight for this any more.....
he had had affairs before this.... EA and PA and even a DNA test... I felt the Earth was going to swallow me on that last one...
So we get seperated.
For years before that he told me the sex was mediocre... see he has never been truly starved he just felt that way cause after the DNA~ test I shut down....
I would have sex but I really wasnt there. I carried the pain and the anger with me evrywhere I went and in bed I was a zombie pretty much. I tried and tried and yet I couldnt get over it, I felt ugly and worthless....
I was gone and in my place was this sad Woman who wsnt really alive...
Anyway so shortly before bomb . I buy the book PM~ and read and highlight ... I sort of get it... { "IT" m that Men correalte sex w/ feeling loved} . He was seeing someone thruout the seperation and lying about it and also got a fancy little Tattoo with her name above his heart.... When I saw it I wished him the best very calmly I mught add and sent him on his way,,, That I would continue to pray for him and hoped he would be happy with her, and that my greatest hope was that one day he would call me and say I AM HAPPY!
I "bust" my Divorce and then get "it" a little more,
But it is still hard for me to give myself fully to someone who hurts me so much. @ 3 MONTHS OF GRUELING PAIN AND AGONY AND ME GROWING THRU IT ALL.
A year later I "meet" COG~ on these boards and he helps me get "it" a little more...
This past year @ 2 years later.. { after Reconciling} I have long conversations with hubby and I get "it" a lot more and I feel like I am there for sure...
He enjoys this "new me" . Starting, In April,he tells me but it scares him. It is all too much for him? He starts to tell ME he is tired.
I know he is better than before and I know for sure he isnt cheating.... He is being an a**hole but he isnt cheating again. And yet for me liek you say , the Ring and the going out.... I wish that were different. { he has sent his FOO~ oodles and I mean oodles of $ and now he finally sees them for the backstabbers they are , and so his new depression is being taken out on me so to speak? They built houses etc etc etc and us? We rent a real nice comfortable home but OWN nothing... very long story as well. Basically he told them he never wants to speak to them again. He used to go visit them for months at a time and leave the kids and I alone....}
{ not making excuses FIB~ just trying to help you see what is going on so you can help me}
