Positive developments?

[jon2911]

Update:

W and I talked for a bit, and she was aloof, I was tired, so I called it a night. She called back in a couple minutes, wanting to tell me how terrible her roommate sitch is, her "landlord" still wants to keep stuff in the house and drops by all the time. He even asked her to be his girlfriend-on-the-side.

She just paid $1200 to get her furniture moved to Houston, and he acted ticked about it. He wants to have a workout room where she wants to put her furniture. And he still hasn't paid for the wireless internet he promised, and forgot to pay the cable.

Part of me want to say "look, you're only paying $650 a month for a brand new house". But his dropping by is annoying. It's happened each time I've been in town. Things are going well with her other roommate. Also, I had no idea she paid $1200. What the crap? Guess she'll be asking for money again soon. Not this time.

[jon2911]

Just IM'd with W for a bit. My special screen name for her only was bigjon3703. I couldn't remember what the numbers meant, she said "that must be the day we started dating". Yep. This IMing could be cool while at work, less intrusive for a skittish WAW than calling. Thanks Michelle for the idea.

Anyway, more questions about seminary and leading worship, and then I took the plunge, asking if I could come visit. I told her I was free Friday-Monday. I didn't mention that Monday is our anniversary, but I'm sure she knows that. She said come on in! Yay!

[LolaL]

Oh Jon I hope you have a great time!!! That sounds awesome!!!

[ms ladybug]

Sheesh I wish I could even get I like you...

I like you Lola.

Feel better yet?

[jon2911]

Wow, things have been warming up. Great talk last night. We'll go to the beach for a day, go on a motorcycle ride the next day. I told her I could stay until early Tuesday morning, and she said "we'll probably be tired of each other, we'll see." So my goal is to make it through the day Monday. Somehow I'm scared to death though, didn't sleep well last night. But hit the gym at 5 AM and feel better now. I'm starting to hope again, but scared of the roller-coaster.

She had looked up all this info online about Harleys, and told me she's always wanted me to have one. What? I never knew that. Her family will be completely ticked about it (I can't wait, muahahahah).

W definitely surprises me sometimes. There's this internal battle between the fun, carefree girl I married and the b*tch her family wants her to be.

[jon2911]

Stole this from Dan's thread:

I know from my experience I used to push my h and he used to appease everything to make me happy. I even asked him once if I could go traveling on my own for 3 months. He looked sad and said yes but that wasn't what I wanted him to say, I wanted him to say no, I'd miss you too much you can't go. I asked him why he had said yes to that quite outrageous question and he said it was because he wanted me to be happy and couldn't say no to me - he took me at my word and didn't understand my woman-speak. I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes you need to say no, or set clear parameters for us women. It makes us feel loved. I'm not talking about major things just little firm steps.

Let me just say that I HATE this kind of crap. Crazy women

It's always been a pet peeve of mine, those leading questions fishing for an answer. But I'm trying to get better and take it as an indication of what W needs to hear. When I complement her and she tries to blow it off or make some comment, I just keep at it. It's really working.

As for the boundaries, maybe that's what happened two weeks ago. I wanted to be nice, DB and build a friendship, but texting OM in front of me is over the line. Thanks JCJ!

[jon2911]

Can someone call the wambulance for my W?

I got an hour yesterday morning about how her landlord is terrible, isn't paying to fix her AC duct and toilet (W got tired of waiting and had a repairman come, then sent her landlord the bill. Didn't go over too well). Now, he's threatening to make her start paying utilities.

She also can't believe that he has three surround sound systems and huge TV's, but doesn't take care of the lawn. Are you kidding me? Give me a bunch of money, from wherever this guy gets it, and I'd do the same thing. I told W she doesn't understand guys sometimes. She made a curt comment about "well, some guys actually fix things". I told her it's a much smaller percentage than she thinks.

The more I think about it, I'm hoping things get really bad, and/or she gets kicked out, and I can rescue her. Things sound like they're almost at that point.

[jon2911]

OK everyone, about to leave for Houston. Any advice is appreciated.

I'm really nervous, with the anniversary and all. Haven't slept well a couple nights this week, with weird dreams, etc. I thought about staying in town and resting up tonight, and going down tomorrow. But I could tell she was really disappointed about that. And she has plans in the afternoon tomorrow, so I can rest up then.

I also don't have anything anniversary-ish planned. Flowers might be weird with her roommate around. But they've never backfired on me before. Probably won't even mention the anniversary unless she brings it up. I've just felt like she's waiting for me to tell her how much I want her to come back. So maybe I'll make sure she knows that, but keep it light and not start an R talk.

[LolaL]

Jon...relax and breath. Remember, do not come on too strong. Try and detach just a bit, take a step back, and remember how you did it when you were first romancing your W. Be gentle, respectful, and no R talk at a!!! Flowers would be nice, but NOT RED ROSES. Maybe something simple, daisies, something like that. Just enjoy the time and go with the flow. If it feels wrong, either by actions or words, stay away from it. You have a beautiful DB opporunity, and you have been doing so great. Pretend you are a wave, just peacefully floating with the tide. Okay a little zen there... but as Lennon said whatever gets you through the night...

[jon2911]

Thanks Lola! I remember the weird friendship-but-not-dating-yet phase, agonizing over red roses. LOL. Never thought I'd be here again, but it's fun in a way. Get to win her back all over again. Thanks Lola! She loves daisies!