For the Guy with Kids and a WW 9

[hopeful4her]

kat and Puppy, thank you. I can only say that it doesn't feel like what I'm doing is doing anything other than starting to heal myself and move on past her.

I knew that OM was going to be helping her. Giving her money. Supporting her. Probably bought all the furniture. Put it all together for her. HE is her hero. Me not helping her and staying away just benefits them together.


wdid, I had the packet ready to give her last night. I just didn't. I can't even look at her. If she comes back over tonight or I go to the apartment to pick up more things, I will. I think my plan of conversation will be this.....

"I just want to give you this. Please take some time to read it over. It is the information that I brought up to you a few times. Look it over. Give your self a chance to look through it all. If you don't mention anything about it to me, then I'll know your answer.
I wasn't sure if I would give it to you or not, but I told myself that I would never forgive myself if I at least didnt't give it to you to look at. It would mean a lot to me for you to at least give it some thought."


We'll see.

On coming over, I knew she was going to be looking for reasons to come visit them. She allowed the girls to be with me the first weekend she moved out and then let them stay with me last Wednesday overnight and all of Thursday while it was her week.

Sunday, she alluded to the fact that she thinks that I am taking the situation really hard. Like I am grasping at things like photos and momentos to hold on to her. That she knows how hard I'm taking it. The she KNOWS that to me she is a b*tch and I disgust her. That she REALLY understands. But she is having a hard time to. Adjusting I suppose. Thats when I told her that it didn't seem like she SHOULD be having a hard time. She got what she wanted. She said that yes, she did. That was when she told me about getting used to not having the girls around for so long, "But I guess that is what I chose."

I love her, but I feel myself moving on a little more each passing day. I am at the point that I am just going to do what makes me happy. Do what I want.

And spend time with those who want to spend time with me. I'm not looking. I'm not pursuing anyone. Definately not looking for a relationship. B lives maybe 2 or 3 miles from where I work, so that is why she said she was in the area.

I do not picture us 'together'.
But I do enjoy her company.

Y was at my office all day yesterday. She had been on vacation all last week. We talked for a while. Told me what she and her daughter did. I told her that I almost called her Saturday for the concert. She told me that I should have. She was out partying with her brothers for one of thier b-day. Even if she wouldn't have gone, I could have joined them.

I'm going to have to start doing things that I want to do. And I'm ready to have a little fun in my life. Like I said to the kat and karen Saturday, I'm going to find that cool guy that I used to be.

I'm not looking to BE with someone.

I'm just looking to be.

Maybe I just don't know WHAT the hell I'm saying!

Me thinks I think too much