I have come to realization that I am willing to do almost anything to make my marriage work. At the same time I refuse to wait any longer for her decision to join with me and have a healthy sexual relationship with one another. It is now or never. I do love her but I can't sacrifice this part of myself (my libido) to stay with her any longer. It was wrong to live out this part of myself on the sly as she slowly withdrew from wanting to ML with me. I had lived a double-life for the majority of our marriage. There was the husband and father that supported them and was the part that I showed to my family. Then there was the secret sexual side of me that had to be hidden away from my wife because she wanted no part of it.
I have grown to realize that this is who I am. There are no longer two sides myself and there is no more hiding. If she can’t accept that this is who I am and who she is married to, then she must let me go. I can no longer be trapped in limbo waiting for her and I will not go back to the double-life and the hiding. I would like nothing more than for her to join me and find her sexual self again, realistically though it may never happen. I have to accept this as a possibility.
She must decide now. Either she finds it within herself to awaken her sexuality or she admits that she doesn’t want this ever again with me and we move on. Of course we will have to work through this together and there are other issues to resolve. If however she can’t commit to fixing the sex part, then why bother with all of the other crap heaped beside it?
