to the WAWs

[badcompany]

1) is there anything your husband did or said to get you to realize what you were doing was wrong?

2) even though you left, were you still doubting your decision ? did you show it outwardly ? could he tell anyway ?

3) if you left for someone else, or wanted to leave but didn't have the guts til someone else showed interest, did it work out with OM ? if not, please explain why.

4) did your husband expose your affair to your family and people close to you? if so, what impact did it have on your train of thought?

5) even though you told your husband you didn't love him anymore, did you really ?

6) how long after you left did you start considering coming back, if you have or did at all ?

7) if you have a young child together, and I'm sure you considered staying for their sake, were they the deciding factor in coming back, or were your spouse's changes the reason ? none of the above ?

[christarn]

Bad Co.~ I'm sorry you found yourself here but welcome. I will try to answer your questions as best I can.

My H didn't really do or say anything to make me change my mind...about 4 months after I walked, I had a big wake up call. I was in house all alone, he stopped calling/texting...i was on my own...not having anyone to come home to, eat dinner with, go out with, etc. It all hit me at once. I just plain missed "him"

I never doubted my decision. He and I lived as "roommates" for about 6 months prior to me leaving. We fought constantly. It was a nonstop battle ground in our home. He knew I was leaving, or so he said, just didn't know when.

I didn't leave for anyone else...just myself...which is bad enough, in retrospect.

I will always love my H. I think sometimes, the anger the WAS feels is more or less anger within herself/himself...IMHO. I did not leave a perfect R/M, I left one that was in need of a lot of help, but leaving the way that I did...was not the "right" thing to do...after a lot of time has past, I do realize that.

I was ready to start working on our R/M after 4 months, it's been a little over 18 months now...H is still not ready to work on things. I'm still here, waiting for him...don't know how long I will wait...but i'm still here.

We didn't have children together...just pooches...and I have full time custody of them..he's only seen them twice since we split.

hope this helps you...my thread may help you as well. not so much what is being posted now, but earlier threads. if you have questions just ask....my life is chaotic, but will try to help you out when i can!

take care
christarn

[badcompany]

thank you for the response... My M needed lots of work on my part when W strayed to OM. I slept alot from working graveyard shift, only got 1 or 2 nights off every 2 weeks to sleep with her at night. She hated being alone too. Too many variables. Thought our love would survive. I am told I was selfish a lot. Didn't want to go out or to church or to see family. But I went often.
More often than not I slept. 3rd shift beats you up

[badcompany]

My wife has a boyfriend and has roomates so there is always someone to come home to, just not me. She makes it all seem like all my fault, I know alot of it is, and she mentioned that we needed help, but we kept going without doing jack. It's both of our faults really. Then the affair started

[Neilh23]

not to hijack....but...christarn...if you read this, could you please check out my sitch in the newcomers section....and give me your opinion on how i'm doing...thanks so much....

[badcompany]

anyone else care to comment ?

[badcompany]

To the waws---

Let's say you are with OM and go out and do things as opposed to when you were home all the time with husband and son. What is something that you wished your husband would do or say while you were out having your affair, or something to make you miss him ? Is there anything the husband can say to make you miss him and you being apart ?

[badcompany]

i'd like to place an order for delivery please......

1 order of extra extra large guilt, hold the revenge, to the lady sitting the OM over there. she hasn't had any guilt yet.

large Dr. Pepper for me k thanks.

[smartcookie]

<<1) is there anything your husband did or said to get you to realize what you were doing was wrong?

You might get more responses if you phrased your question differently.

You assume that every WAW's actions are "wrong", there are numerous circumstances that each sitch is slightly different.

<<2) even though you left, were you still doubting your decision ? did you show it outwardly ? could he tell anyway ?

I didn't leave, but I doubted my decisions every second of every day.

<<<3) if you left for someone else, or wanted to leave but didn't have the guts til someone else showed interest, did it work out with OM ? if not, please explain why.

This question is just plain offensive.

<<<4) did your husband expose your affair to your family and people close to you? if so, what impact did it have on your train of thought?

No, but each time he threatened, it pushed me further away from him.

<<<5) even though you told your husband you didn't love him anymore, did you really ?

No, I really didn't. By the time I had decided I was done, he had destroyed any love I had for him.

<<<7) if you have a young child together, and I'm sure you considered staying for their sake, were they the deciding factor in coming back, or were your spouse's changes the reason ? none of the above ?

We have 4 kids. They are the only reason I stayed as long as I did. Now I stay because he's changed & is someone I can love & respect.

You might get more help if your questions are less confrontational, & more neutral.

[Ready2Change]

Hi Scookie,

You might get more help if your questions are less confrontational, & more neutral.

I think the questions are valid, at least from the LBS perspective. But after reading them from the WAS perspective (who the questions are being asked) I understand SC's concerns...

So, how about:

1) is there anything your husband did or said to get you to realize what you were doing was wrong?

Changed to:

1) What actions and words (that your husband used) were important in helping develop your new relationship with him?